I heard a rumor that Tim’s out-of-work brother was going to move into the extra room in his pants.

No way that’s Jeter’s lineup. It’s got the actress with the most range at short.

So familiar with this guy from my days scouting all-ivy academic sprinters

I know others have more importance, but Papelbon choking a teammate/arguably best player in the game in the dugout and the takes defending it that followed are fucking legendary.

I’m just kidding, no one remembers where they were when the wall fell (I was six) and the moon landing was fake. This is real history.

Can't beat that.

Confessionals are dumb. Just make up a good story.

Even Mac Dre thinks Marshawn Lynch has a thick Bay accent.

Counterpoint; Rubén Amaro Jr.

Tiny paws, too.

LeBron James, now 31 years old and carrying more miles than the car you bought for $800 when you were 17,

Your tombstone is under further review. Hopefully it will be finished before you are done being dead.

I think Bill got off pretty easy for his comments about Goodell. He only lost his job on Twitter. Goodell ended up losing his life.

We will lose it to Rio.

I’d advocate paying NCAA athletes and then watch the world burn

Something reasonable but unrealistic (“After a meeting with the commissioners, the NFL has pledged to institute a zero tolerance domestic violence policy with automatic one year suspension and loss of wages”) that they will look terrible when backtracking.