Drunk you ain’t Denzel but knows you’re a star.

“And after the break, these squaws will tell us why they think Sitting Bull deserved to die!”

In response, IU is updating their image to better represent the University’s positive values and culture, and will replace its famous Joe Vandal mascot with “Scott the Guy Who Didn’t See Anything.”

I only go on “free pizza giveaway” days.

Me too. Liked it for the same reasons why I liked Twin Peaks—Cool visuals, ridiculous dialogue, and constant suspense. Didn’t care that the plot was messy because it was a fun show.

Don’t bother calling Cardinals Care. Call the Cardinals’ press office. They’ll gladly explain to you that the money is definitely not going towards PR/marketing team salaries and are appalled that you would even suggest such a thing.

Sneakerheads are already lining up for the Space Jam™ edition LeBrons.

Ugueth Urbina

This is Deadspin’s best work yet. Better than the Manti Te’o / Lennay stuff.

House of Lames

The Cardinals wish Correa the best of luck in his Return to Forever downplaying past failures at job interviews.

ruben amaro jr to perform seppuku, team announces

Racial imbalances do not always disfavor minorities. At various times in history, “racial or ethnic minorities . . . have owned or directed more than half of whole industries in particular nations.” Sowell 8.

Is their any real reason why baseball lets the All-Star Game decide WS home field advantage instead of just giving it to the team with the better record?

A camera for livestreaming.

I’m not into sex with bots, but soldiers stationed in the outer colonies go nuts for the basic pleasure models.

Yes.

Any thoughts on doing a series on obscure niche sports (e.g., Korfball, Jai Alai, Quidditch)? Might be interesting, if not just to see some of the personalities that play regularly or organize tournaments.

Your predictions sound fine, but I’ll wait for Psychic Clam’s input before placing any bets.

[Hits ☐ furiously]