Also, that creature feature is all wrong. Here is what they should’ve shown:

Sprite: what you buy when the store doesn’t have your brand of ginger ale.

Netflix loves nipples.

Why are the wasting their time on sangria when there are mojitos to be consumed? Idiots.

No.

Something about this is sooooooo funny to me. It’s like having a whole crew of clueless dads following you around, not as subtle as they think they are.

Counter-counterpoint: Your feet are jealous of my feet but are too embarrassed to say anything to you.

YES. As soon as the daily high hits 10C, I'm in my Birkenstocks all day, every day. I fucking jog in them. My feet love me now.

“because of her race and national origin as a Non-Hispanic individual who was not a fluent and native Spanish-speaker.”

Seeing “I Texted...” with an arrow pointing to an eggplant made me think Tyler Henry is a lot naughtier than his bow-tied persona makes it seem.

When have we reached Peak Trump? When a nuclear exchange happens because The Donald and Putin got into a Twitter fight about who had the hottest supermodel trophy wife. That’s when we’ll have reach Peak Trump.

Actually he would have said, “Somebody get this skirt ‘otta here!”

Hey, he held back. You know that what he really wanted to say was, "shut up you dumb broad. A man is talking."

Her boss’ problem isn’t with her clothes, it’s with her skin tone.

But how can I judge and insult this woman for her bravery with all these pesky faaaaaaaaaaaaacts dammit

I unexpectedly became teary-eyed and started sobbing at the thought that this woman, who was born before universal suffrage, lived long enough to cast votes for the first female major party candidate. Then Bernie Sanders’s brother cast a single vote for his brother as he emotionally spoke of their parents and I…

I’m 66 years old. I became a feminist when I was 5, and my older sister was told she could “join” a model airplane club my father belonged to. She could pay dues, but not attend meetings or meet because she was a girl.(My father promptly “unjoined” that club!) I’ve been waiting 61 years for today.

My grandmother was 89 when she passed away a month ago and in hospice at the end when she was starting to be pretty unaware and we knew it would be over soon we just went ahead and told her Hillary had been elected and my grandmother, the lifelong democrat who went back to college in her 40s, was so happy. So we need…

I won't lie, I teared up when she cast her votes.