No mention of Jesse Marsch, the 1st American-born & raised coach in the Champions League?

I didn’t come here expecting to hear about cricket, but you know what? I’m down.

Detroit, because they are probably the largest city without a professional football team.

And cocaine. Don’t forget all the cocaine he did. 

Ideally we can get rid of the major league games too. Just analyze the swings of each team’s hitters, the spin rate of each team’s pitchers, and declare a champion.

I’m not sure I’d want to see Intergluteal Cleft opening for anyone.

The Major sport that’s hardest on your body, is far and away the worst for your brain (and long term risks), but pays far and away the least and guarantees nothing in contracts (and has a history of fucking over it’s retirees) is having a problem with players walking away from the game.

The dude’s gonna go watch all the European soccer he can handle this fall. 

If there was a young man in literally any other profession who made $100 million before he was 30 and decided to retire, he would be lauded. The Wall Street Journal would write thousands of words of wankery praising his acumen and smarts and god bless America.

Unfortunately, research is showing us that Football is detrimental to your health even before you make a single dime. Like, High School early:

Cleave to sports!

When Scalia died, I got a text from a friend that said, “Ding dong the witch is dead!!” In response, I wrote a thoughtful, circumspect piece about how even assholes deserve human dignity and I wasn’t going to dance on the man’s grave.

I wonder how well the Seattle Cobains could run a shotgun formation

While Jim Breuer’s impression of a Latino is questionable at best, he kind of nails his impression of a probably alcoholic, washed up C-list celebrity.

Is this going to be the first in a series examining where the Deadspin commentariat diaspora can go in a few months when vulture capitalist Spanfeller pulls the plug?

So I’m bored at work......

Qatar is the only real answer, isn't it?

It’s sort of surprising that Kolasinac was even in position to defend the attack, rather than being way too far forward.

Kolašinac is a bad mother fucker for fighting dudes with knives. And Özil is in no way a coward for running away and I will hear no slander from keyboard warriors. 

“.....shows Kolašinac outside the car trying to fight off the would-be robbers, while Özil drives off...”