I bet CC Sabathia was even more upset he missed the game when he heard that the stadium was full of boos.

Bud Abbott: What’s CC drinking?

The extended ad readings were the most ridiculous thing, like a millionaire out on a street corner with a cup in his hand. The issue wasn’t even criticizing Goodell. As he said, Charles Pierce got away with it just fine. The issue was insulting him in a way that didn’t raise the level of discourse. Simmons had written…

You know how it’s barely Week 2 of the NFL season and you’re already sick and fucking tired of DraftKings commercials?

Dad!!! It's my pot!! Give it back!!

That moment when you realize social chair Braxton booked the Beta Butt Chug Formal on the same night that Entourage comes out on DVD.

As a Houston resident, Dallas is a constant source of stress relief. It’s like having a brother you never really connected with as kids who later got convicted of selling child porn. We win by default. Our fly-ridden hell hole is modern, cultured and nuanced because, compared to Dallas, it is!

i know several women in confederate states who also would pick cousins over a black man

Reverse, reverse

Add a comma and it makes more sense.

Any matchup between Baylor and Texas Tech is mostly BUTT.

How can you talk, and hold up your part of the arrangement, at the same time?

this....this is a better synopsis of why we suck than anything you could have written drew. nothing against you, but this lady takes the cake.

More Sherman Alexie tweets, s’il vous plait.

As far as RC and Buzz flying. This is a movie about toys that are alive. I think we can let those go.

FitzMagik is clearly behind this. Paid IK like some Tonya Harding shit

“I always destroy my old cell phones.”

Unless I work for the government in a national security position, if my employer asks to see my personal cellphone, I would tell them to go shove an iphone 6 plus up their ass.