If it makes him an employee, strips him of grant + taxes his room & board & non-scholarship benefits

Jose Fernandez: so much fun.

To me, this GIF ends the rebuttal from the traditionalists.

Schottenheimer’s cat: the unknown state of a football cat where not knowing if it was smuggled in or found at Arrowhead forces us to think about it as simultaneously both smuggled in AND found at Arrowhead.

And here I thought only Bills fans reached under their clothes for a pussy during games....

Now Andrew Luck? That monster will eat you and your entire family. That’s why I keep my kids in Idaho where we know when to cut down the beanstalk whenever we hear the thundering sound of his footsteps.

If he were jerking off, he probably would have turned off the Victoria’s Secret show to avoid the distraction.

Because they don’t serve Old Crow at Dairy Queen, they keep telling you.

Oh, so they’ll let a DT in the NFL trash talk a girl, but I can’t tell that bitch waitress to hurry up with my goddamn Old Crow?

No big deal, I got friends with the names. I got Tito and Antler from college. I got Nasty Nick and Kirby Fuckett from my sports league and I got Frank Gumbo Jr. whom I met at the DMV. We all got them no doubt about it. Just own it, Greg.