All those quotes can't possibly be the actual dialogue, can they? I mean...you wrote those down later, relying on memory, as ironic paraphrases of the actual dialogue. Right? Right?

No but just pointing out why this outrage over FIFA isn't as big outside of the English-speaking world (GB, US, Australia).

I may be a voice in the wilderness, but FUCK that Tipster and especially FUCK the NCAA. Again, could just be me thinking that.

I would like to extend my sincere thanks to anyone who makes my team look good.

As a Redskins fan struggling between "the name is obviously racist, always was, and was instituted by an open and notorious bigot" and "change is hard," I would like to extend my sincere thanks to anyone who makes my team look good.

This is actually fantastic news, because I was having a hard time getting stupid racist assholes to buy the "I'm A Stupid Racist Asshole" shirts I made for them. I appreciate them voluntarily identifying themselves, even if they have to use shorthand.

It's only fitting that these shirts are %100 cotton.

Holy shit I met my wife in that bar.

If you preorder before game 1, you get a free blackface Halloween costume too.

I'm a Cardinals fan and I wouldn't be caught dead in that shirt. Mostly because I'm white.

NFL Version:

That's genuinely pretty fucking awesome.

FEARING FOR MY SAFETY AND THE SAFETY OF MY DOG,

I just want a peaceful solution.

On one hand, innocent until proven guilty. On the other hand, show the fuck up for Court you entitled twat, this ain't a game.

"Fallen tree, bruised peach"

Internet commentator: "How dare that man not give 100%! Blah blah blah, rabble rabble (posts while at work)"

It's like Curt Schilling went to his barber and asked him to "Give me a haircut that reflects my personality."