Eventually ET's phone started transmitting again...

Time travelling bullets started the war.

Apparently they shot the Augean Stables labor but decided not to use the footage because it looked like shit.

Yeah, because Emmy awards, like the Oscars and Grammys, always go to the best nominee. Modern Family is ridiculously overrated.

My cellphone just took a breath.

I may be remembering it wrong, but didn't the PS3 have an automatic update at some point that bricked some systems? That may be why they're making some next-gen console updates manual.

Each toenail clipping weighed 600 pounds.

"since I marred his mother"

Did Sony hire Ken Burns as their presenter?

If that's the case, hopefully it'll have a blooper reel at the end. Preferably with Ian McKellen in a Captain Chaos outfit saying "rosary bleeds".