As someone who has run a marathon, I am obligated to mention in comments to this blog about a marathon that I have run a marathon.

Please don’t use misdiagnosed fallacies as a rhetorical device, it affects my blood pressure.

Here it is again in slow-motion and zoomed in a lot more.

I am an expert as I have never missed a field goal in an NFL playoff game

Jesus, I'm sorry, THE POPE! I thought that's what "self service" meant. 

came late and “at weird times.”

Might be time for a “Worst Groups In Sports” bracket of some sort. I’ve got MLB Umps vs. NFL Owners in the finals. Maybe round out the Final 4 with NCAA Administrators and the IOC? Tough competition all the way around.

Conspiracy theory: the NBA gifted the Pels the #1 pick so they would greenlight the Lakers trade.

She’s scoring a lot of points, but averages less than an assist per game. I’m sure her coaches would like to encourage her to spread the ball around more, but she’s probably not used to having teammates who are also capable of scoring. Therefore, Han shoots first.

I once lied about eating the last two Oreos in the package. My wife asked me if I’d eaten them and I said yes and she got mad. But I actually hadn’t eaten them yet. I lied about having already eaten them just so I could save them for later and eat them while she took our daughter to soccer practice. And then I ate…

“First Godzilla destroys Boston, then Ortiz gets shot, and now the Bruins lose the cup because of officials!”
*chugs 4 Narragansett Shandy’s*
*masturbates to a picture of Tom Brady*
*goes back to sleep on futon*
*continues to be unemployed*
- A Bruins fan

Your book will be an all time worst seller. 

I certainly wouldn’t have left ‘The Surgeon’ sitting in the bullpen. That’s a closer if I ever saw one.

The master plan of six to ten people was to have one guy walk up to Ortiz and shoot him in the back?

This reminds me of what my father used to tell me about good sportsmanship... “Don’t be such a baby. I’ll make it to the next game.”

Umpires shouldn’t be allowed to throw players or managers out of the game just for arguing about calls on the field. NFL and NHL refs manage to survive without throwing people out for arguing calls, I see no reason why umpires need that authority.

Let me drop a little lawyer on you:

Q: You’re 70 now?

A: That’s correct

Q: So, we’re to believe you’re a gentle-driving retiree, is that it?

A: Why, yes, sonny, that’s right.

It’s due to the exchange rate.

Seeing lots of “I’m a Yankees fan, but...” and “I hate the Red Sox, but...” on the internet tonight. Cool, man, you don’t want the human beings who arbitrarily wind up playing for teams in a different geographic location than you to literally die. Awesome, that’s very noble.

Finally, a video that belongs on Deadspin.