Manchin voted for that piece of shit. He has to go.

2003? Lol, okay. Mega fan? Got it.

• Marcel the Shell and Captain America broke up. [Us Weekly]

As on outside viewer of the US I wondered how anyone could be so bad at their job to be replaced by Megan Kelly but then I saw that she was black and it all makes sense.

But were they EASY Ds?

Thank-you for giving us the first three names.

Good for Tamron. The world needs more people like her who have conviction.

She and Fredrick Douglass are hanging out.

As a newly single 41 year old this article confirms my suspicion that I’ll never have sex again either. Please excuse me while I cry in the corner. 

I have discovered that I prefer the kind of self-pity that calls for a Woody Allen voice to the kind that calls for a Batman voice. But this dude should know that neither variety is gonna be lightin’ up anyone’s drawers. Jesus, you can’t even woo a 90s movie pie that way.

It seems the guy does want a relationship, he just goes about it the wrong way. Yeah, he also tried Tinder in a new city. I think that his very disjointed article is trying to show how men often have difficulty securing a relationship, a date, and a Tinder interaction. Also, I am reluctant to suggest that people do…

Well, that was...awkward. This is a more quasi-intellectual version of “If you hit on 1000 women, odds are one of them will accept, right? RIGHT?”

I really doubt that single guys are masturbating more than anyone thinks possible. However, people might be surprised at how often men in relationships masturbate.

Biannually - once every two years

Will this be something this guy looks back on later in life with extreme “oh dear god you are such a whiny brat” cringing, the same way I do my college years Xanga blog?

Jeez, it’s desperate guys like this that have me staying home to watch awesome chinese tomb-robbing dramas.

Why is he not on Adult Friend Finder?

“Well, I masturbate a lot, if you really want to know. Single guys are doing it way more than you might believe possible, if that is possible.”

I’m feeling extra activisty lately so might just pop a postcard in the mail to Jon and let him know not to be such a boomeranging creeper if he wants a date. Geez.

Being allosexual seems really annoying, can anyone confirm?