Take your star, knucklehead.

Cricket?! Now this is an entomology blog?!

The only way to improve Trump’s appearance is a Phineas Gage-type impaling that altered his personality to one more docile and peaceable.

I got my husband to wear my BB cream on our wedding day (SPF 50! Evened skin tone!) and he thinks he looks great in all the wedding photos. He is the best, that is all.

Don’t tread on his 2nd amendment rights.

Nonsense. You should rack up awards for your posts.

i had a post ready to go, but after reading yours, i realized mine was a bust.

Easy to be against pre marital sex after youve had a thousand lifetimes worth of it. 

Uh... does this literally sound like it was originally written in overwrought Russian and run through Google Translate, or is that just me?

I could tell he was going to be hot naked as soon as I saw him. I quickly undressed that ridiculous silver suit he was wearing piece by piece, savoring his scent every bit of the way. I knew it was true love as soon as I had my tongue wrapped around his salty pork but alas, my relationship with Burrito was meant to be…

I think Miley is an exhausting try-hard, but she’s no where near Lindsay Lohan territory. I’ve never heard of her being in any legal trouble or partying so hard she doesn’t show up for work. I don’t know why people think she’s spiraling out of control just because she’s a tacky attention whore. It’s all part of her…

I was having a bad day, but that made my bad day better.

“...and just because you’re on a journey and transformation doesn’t mean I’m in the same spot with you.”

If he read the Constitution, there’s a 3/5 chance his mind would be blown all over again.

Mostly just happy he didn’t trot out the ‘now that I have a daughter’ trope.

Ronan Farrow is burning NBC to the ground and I am here for it. That’s what they get for trying to kill Farrow’s original Weinstein story in 2017. 

I’ve been convinced for a while now that there is a concerted, orchestrated attack on Black women and children going on. They attack the ones who are most vulnerable and without protection (let’s face it: Black men aren’t trying to protect us). Black women are the backbone of our people, and our children are our…

“No, baby I slipped, I swear I slipped! BABY! Baby... you’re so beautiful when you’re crying.”

Isn’t Tupac still the next Tupac? Swear his 18th posthumous album is dropping this fall.