What’s the problem, stupid haters: She was a tiny bit pensive during what’s likely the last moments of this stage of her career/life, while at the same time proud of and happy for her team. It’s called nuance, friends, and it’s okay.

Quite possibly the funniest comment, ever ever ever ever. With tenderest reverence, I curtsy deeply at your feet.

Nursing school: Far and away the best decision I ever made. You are doing such a good thing for yourself and the world.

It was Ruby Gillis who died of TB, not Diana.

Yeah, there are surely bad nurses, but I’ve only seen a small handful. Not nearly as many bad nurses as bad police, bankers, professional athletes, apartment managers, etc. My experience has been that bad nurses are far more rare than unethical, narcissistic people in other professions. I say this as an experienced…

May I clean your boots?

Swiftslutting. It needed it’s own word.

Depends on the tampon......

It’s Captain Steubing.

Hot buttered rum came out of my nose.

Your mother......what? And because the neighbor.......huh? Makes no sense. Two lies for the price of one, I suspect.

So true! Remember how in the 70s they used to tie little satin bows and stick them to the tops of babies’ heads? They used a loop of Scotch tape......I was too young to understand such technology, though, and seeing a bow attached implausibly to my little sister asked my dad (I was about 3 1/2, I think) “How do you…

I’m coming over with a fresh bottle of bourbon. Hold on! I’m hurrying.

Yes, yes, yes. I once (quite literally) bumped into him, coming get around a corner at LAX. I managed a dignified nod which he gravely returned. Such a moment when our eyes briefly met...ungh!....How I kept myself from scrabbling at his lapels and squealing uncontrollably mystifies me to this day.

So true!!

Actually, with proper medication during pregnancy, almost all HIV-infected mom’s will avoid passing the virus to their babies. In the prenatal HIV service I work with, our success rate is 100%.

Piqued

Preach.

Store-bought crust is a cad and a coward. Store-bought crust is a vulgar beast.

Jeez. You jerk.