I want to know who the hell has matching beach towels. This is America, where we buy beach towels at Wal-Mart as an afterthought when we’re picking up ice for the cooler on our way down to the beach.

You could also use it as a weird cult identifier, like "young Jenny was cast from the fold when she appeared with a clam brand instead of the socially acceptable hot dog, it was clear she had been fraternizing with OTHERS"

Great. Useless crap arbitrage.

I think it’s more likely that she bought a bunch of beach/seaside themed wine tokens and put them in a new package.

Oh rich white people. Towel charms. if I see someone at the beach/pool with a towel charm, I think I’m gonna have a spell.

Why would you purposely puncture a towel to put a metal charm on it? It just seems like it would cause a hole and ruin the towel really quickly, plus any time the towel is outside that little piece of metal is going to get really hot really quickly. I do not fancy a minuscule baseball glove being seared into my skin…

So it’s knockoff Monopoly tokens with holes dremeled through them and then stuck on unbent paper clips.

This is perhaps the most useless thing that does not acknowledge its uselessness I have ever seen

The Kochs probably buy crates full of them. Gov. Pence is one of theirs.

I refuse to believe that anyone actually buys this shit. I can’t accept a reality in which people affix pewter charms to their towels.

1. That is fucking ugly

Lord, this is some nouveau riche bullshit. Regular people don’t need this and won’t buy something that’s just going to jam up the washing machine when you forget it’s on the towel.

Dry yourself off, draw blood.