I dunno. I grew up in a semi-naked house (we would hang out in the bathroom while we each showered and got ready, and walk around in bras/undies, that kinda thing) and was always in girls’ activities like dance and drill team where we all saw each other’s bodies regularly, and I still had/have hella body image issues.…

Yes, this is what I hate about NYT marriage boosterism! When I was in an unhealthy, desperately unhappy relationship I experienced all this “relationships are hard” stuff as an admonition to stay in my awful relationship, and a message that what I was experiencing was normal, which it wasn’t. Now being in a healthy…

Just searched the entire internet to find an awesome thing Carolyn Hax said awhile back:

I think that may be the thing. I read all of these and think I’ve got some sort of unicorn marriage going on. Sure it’s not all romantic evenings together and vacations, but I look at how life was alone and how life is with him, and there’s no question in my mind that everything that’s hard about life (right now at…

exactly this. Not always easy does not mean hard.

That’s where I’m at as well. Everything else is really hard, but I get to go through it with the person I love, and that’s pretty damn cool.

I think both this post and the original article are thoughtful, but I get really tired of this narrative that pops up everywhere and says ‘omg marriage is so hard and miserable.’ I’ve been with my partner for 12+years, and sure we have had to work through some shit and yes we fight and annoy each other. But he…

I think that’s the entire point. My husband and I have been married for eight years and we have been through so much together that would probably have split up and has split up other couples we know. But there is no one else in the world I want to go through those things with because I love him and our children more…

I think people leave out the word “always” when they say “marriage isn’t easy.” It’s not ALWAYS easy, is what they mean. But it’s not always hard work, either.

I hate when people say “marriage is hard!” No, it’s actually not that hard, you guys. You pick the right person and you both commit to making the thing work? It’s easy! Sure, there are HARD PARTS, but there are literally hard parts of every damn thing. The hard part of marriage is the boring, seemingly-endless walking…

Maybe it means that you went in to it with reasonable expectations, so the less rosy parts don’t strike you as so bad.

Yeah- I don’t think it should feel like hard work all of the time. Like, some hard moments (recurring arguments, temporary crushes on other people, etc etc normal things), but most of it should feel pretty good (being completely yourself around them, wanting to spend time with them, getting support from them etc etc).

I think the thing is that ‘hard’ is relative. There are some people reading this thinking “putting up with annoying habits is hard, this is marriage hard.” and some people thinking “we fight a lot and he makes me feel horrible about myself and I hate him but still love him....this is marriage hard”.

There’s a comment…

Well I know from reading the sentiments of my haters around here and elsewhere that I’m a braggart (and know that will only get worse by my claiming here that my marriage DOESN’T suck). It is a cardinal sin these days to be happy. So I can understand people’s reticence to claim happiness or contentment.

Yeah it seems like the conventional wisdom about marriage, that people sooo love to write about is that 50% of the times its an awful struggle...maybe only people who aren’t happily married write about it?

I guess this is the part where I become utterly hateable, but my wife and I are deeply in love, and after 14 years of marriage, I think she’d agree with me that, while life is hard, our marriage has been the easiest part of it. And that’s with infertility, cancer, and parental disability thrown in. It’s the marriage…

As someone in a really “not great” period of marriage right now, I have to confess I hate hearing “Marriage is hard!” or “Marriage is work!” - how hard is it really supposed to be? How much work is too much work? I know all relationships are hard work - but at what point can you look at something and say “This is more…

We white people can start by not being so defensive every time someone brings up race. We can’t have a conversation if we take every mention as a personal attack. Katy in the piece above, and the initial Taylor Swift response to Nicki Minaj, show us that we can end the conversation before joining it.

Well maybe this will teach her to be more clear next time when throwing shade.

I am pleasantly surprised by the active verbs in this apology.