It’s completely true

Go to bed, you’re drunk. And probably an asshole.

The ones that Putin carries around in his pocket... Merkel will have to fly to Russia.

If you haven’t watched the documentary about Anthony Weiner’s campaign that came out a couple of years ago, WATCH IT!

Yes, we watched “All in the Family,” “Sanford and Son,” “The Jeffersons” and “Good Times.” I kinda miss the days when you damn well watched whatever was on TV or you watched nothing at all, because now television is segregated to an extent it wasn’t in the 70's. I think Empire (first season) is perhaps the only modern…

We’re trying to get that swamp drained but it keeps backing up into the house.

Not using china is one thing, but eating in your own home using plastic plates and utensils still seems weird to me.

I used to get this question until my ovaries aged out but I had the same response as I do now when my busybody neighbors gang up and for sport ask me how many dogs I have (we foster and our dogs are not noticeable but they think it’s weird). I look them square in the eye with a serious grin ask “How much do you…

“Some of my best friends have children.”

How does he keep his fur so white despite all of the blood?

Birds are the worst! My biggest fear.

Thank you for being super fucking critical. My idea of “Stunning Beauty” Is Audrey Hepburn or Sophia Loren, the young Nastassja Kinski, or Vivien Leigh. — I can’t figure out why people are always saying that standards of beauty are too high now. I mean you have to be on crack to look at the 25 year old Catherine…

I really wanted Rich to write it because I feel like he would properly shred this guy.

Because that’s where you discuss fun guys?

This is a beta-test for Ivanka’s national child-care program

“Now watch this drive”

She is a spoiled idiot.

I agree with all your views on this except one thing.... “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is one of the best songs ever, an effin classic.

“But a couple who makes $500,00 per year, with luxury cars, a $1,500,00 home, $9500 in clothing, and takes three vacations a year, then says they’re “scraping by”? I call them morons. People who have started to see real luxury as “average,” just because they themselves are used to it.”

Tea is much more complicated. you actually steep different teas at different temperatures and for different amounts of time. Most teas should come with instructions — but IDK how sample packs work.