My dog got out twice and I’m mortified. He’s on puppy probation.

Totino’s will forever taste sweetly melancholy.

As my doctor explained it, at age 35, your odds of having a child with Down’s Syndrome are greater than your odds of having a miscarriage due to amniocentesis, so that’s the age that doctor’s start recommending an amnio. That’s where the magic number 35 came from, but people have run with it and made it seem like 35…

When I was in my 2o’s, I had a cute butt, perky tits and tiny waist. (But no silicone tits right under my chin.) Now I’m almost 67. After two pregnancies and a hard bout with breast cancer 18 year ago, I have a saggy ass, thick waist, poochy tummy and lopsided boobs. I still go to the gym to increase my muscle mass,…

This is totally a sideline to this but.... her handwriting was lovely.

Dude what? You know that hospitals aren’t in charge of names, right? Jesus fucking Christ.

I gave birth last Saturday, when I was only 25 weeks along, because my high blood pressure turned into preeclampsia and then HELLP syndrome in a matter of days. Original plan was to keep me at the hospital for as many weeks as possible before delivery, but my labs turned bad and then worse and doctors think I would…

What’s so gross about Spade?

Twitter wins:

Melissa Villaseñor can do impressions, but her sketch acting is atrocious—she just smiles the whole time. It’s worse than breaking.

I wish I could apologize for the bad shit men have said, but I can’t. I can’t take the blame for those losers. When I was online dating and I met someone no matter the reason I didn’t want to pursue a second date with them, the “I just didn’t feel the connection” was my go to line. Its respectful and non critical. …

The most important lesson my father taught me was when I went through my high school growth spurt and started wrestling. To paraphrase -

I just made uncomfortable eye contact with my dogs-it’s like they knew what I was reading about

Actually you two just made the night more interesting for my married, boring ass! I love to witness love connections. Be safe and good luck!

While I appreciate your concern, I make good English.

They just can’t match Patrick Swayze.

Ed Sheeran seems entirely fine and inoffensive to me. That is the sum total of every take I have ever had on him and I’ve never really understood why people get all up in arms about him.

I feel like Russell Brand’s thoughts on Katy Perry are fine? They aren’t married anymore. Sounds like he doesn’t specifically follow her career, but he bears her no ill will. That sounds pretty healthy for a divorced couple.

Laura Mercier is the only one that doesn’t ball up on my stupid face. I vote her.

Laura Mercier is the only one that doesn’t ball up on my stupid face. I vote her.

Here is an excellent primer on the Israel/Palestine solution disseminated by Jewish Voice for Peace. It is only a few minutes long, and is civil and historically accurate.