Meh, just watch one of the Real Housewives shows. You'll see it in person, in all its botoxed, lifted, and tucked glory.

Thank you for saying Yuengling sucks. I live in Cleveland and most people here have been drooling on it like it's some Bavarian masterpiece because it wasn't sold here til recently. At this point I think people just say they like it because it's the cool thing to do or maybe they can't drink actual dark beer so they…

I have long held the theory that what you save on cheap beer, you spend on toilet paper. (If you get a whiff of my drift)

A friend once told me this story of a time he was driving through Texas and goes to a bar. On the chalkboard, he sees a beer list: "Domestic $2, Imports $4." and asks the bartender what domestics he has. The bartender says, "Lone Star." And so my friend, out of curiosity, asks what imports they have, and the bartender…

My dad used to regale us with stories of him drinking Narragansett in college. I always wanted to have one, but it was out of production. Then they finally started making it again, and I bought a case for our 4th of July party and proudly gave an ice-cold one to my dad. "This tastes like shit, son" he said. "Just like…

Since Barbie just turned 54, can Mr. Lamm provide us with a 3D model of a middle-aged Barbie? It wouldn't be of any particular relevance to little girls who play with her now, but some of us who used to play with her would love to see it!

if anyone ever sees me drinking a bud light lime, I am signaling you that I am about to be kidnapped.

ALSO kid does have nice hair! (The gesture is a little messianic?)

Isn't this sort of like "if you ain't, you cain't"? Or is it problematic? What??? I DON'T KNOW. Should I feel bad for liking it?

Mmmmmm hmmm. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, youths. Drinking a lot SUCKS now.

a) We need a condom sizing chart because every guy seems to think he needs Magnums even if that's not the case.

People with interesting lives don't even make plans until 10 p.m

I would be happy to have condoms that didn't make my vagina smell like burnt rubber afterwards. That was not fun.

I think Seabass has a point about free distribution being possibly helpful. I've never used one myself. I've only seen them for sale once or twice, and it didn't really seem to be worth spending the money on something I didn't know either of us would like more. It might be worth giving people a chance to experiment…

What we need is a condom actually made of synthetic vagina/butthole skin.

I'm sure there's a story behind your sons' names, but I'm going to guess:

Here is the thing.
People complain about Nintendo using the big three IPs to move sales.
People demand that Nintendo make new IP's.
This comes from gaming journalists and gamers alike.
Nintendo comes out with Wonderful 101. New IP under Nintendo, everyone says it's not enough to get a WiiU.
Pikmin comes out. Hasn't had a…

I was far enough below the poverty line to get enough government assistance to educate myself with minimal debt. I now sit pretty with my degree and a very modest pile of loan repayments to make, and then I turn to my classmates that came in from the middle class...

The Girl Scouts provided me with many memorable life experiences, including what the pit of an outhouse looks like when illuminated all weekend by a dropped flashlight.