Valor for life, yo

The game experience itself is terrible. But since a lot of Pokemon Go lives outside of the actual app itself (the people you meet, the places you go), the experience itself can still be enjoyable. Obviously there are REASONS why the launch has happened the way it has, but if I am going to be honest in my reporting…

Try attacking with Oxford comma next time.

I know I’ll be blaming anyone who ever made a single joke at Clinton’s expense, said the word “Libya” or has a friend named Libby, or (heaven forbid) dared to express concern about any of her policies. Those cowards are as good as Trump-supporters, in my book. My book is coming out in October, and it’s called “Those…

I think we ought to take Jezebel’s betrayal of Clinton very seriously. Is this a sign that they’re going Trump? I say yes. Vox is the only safe space left for us, I fear.

“Nintendo’s not sending their best Pokémon over. They're sending their zubats, their weedles, their magikarps...some, I assume, are Pidgeottos."

Unacceptable. Team Instinct can not hold Area 51. Can we get some Valor trainers up there please!

We have to take control of the internet. These Muslims are getting bad over the internet. They come through our borders and use the internet to become bad. We have to talk to people, these people... Like Bill Gates. We have to talk to him and tell him to control the internet. We have to... we have to take control...…

HOLY SHIT, PETER THIEL’S LAWYER IS GONNA BE FUCKING BUSY!!!

Here’s How 32 Corgis Reacted to the Pokemon GO Launch

Good. Now we can all resume the polite fiction that the Supreme Court is apolitical.

I do dig that she wasn’t apologizing for what she said, merely that she said it publicly. That’s a pretty important distinction.

I would pay a million bucks for an IUD that would protect me from Zubats. So many god dam Zubats.

Look, I’d rather catch that or even syphilis than yet another fucking Rattata. Fuck him.

Oh please you Mystic folk begin by disparaging the proud culture of the Valor and then get all defensive when we respond in kind. Team Harmony is likely a cowardly ruse by Mystic knowing that they lack the emotional wherewithal to survive a prolonged conflict and while they extend this olive branch they hide a dagger…

Except Articuno is in the most southern part of Kanto. Team Mystic truly is the team of lemmings.

I’ve compensated by conquering the gym at a local Catholic church with a Pokemon named “Mormon.org”.

In all seriousness this has to be the most successful bad game launch of all time. Any other game that launched with this many issues and lacking so much content would have crashed and burned. Being a freemium game is usually a deterrent too and yet Go is becoming a phenomenon like ‘98 all over again. Thus is the…