"Hmm. Well, on one hand, he always takes the garbage out and he has great abs and we both love dogs, but, on the other hand, he's kind of fucking his sister a little bit. What should I do, internet?"

I think the perception of phone calls being exclusively high urgency, high importance, inconveniencing, fresh hells is a consequence of our increasing lack of social adjustment. Young people are literally afraid to answer telephone calls, precisely because they are unequipped to deal with the "emotional bandwidth" of…

A+ work, Tara Jacoby.

I'm so not feeling Steve Harvey's foray into Oprahdom. Quite frankly, I'm not interested in taking advice from either of them. If you were at a family gathering, Oprah would be that aunt that's ALWAYS on a new fad diet or self help phase. Her unsolicited advice would come in the form of daily affirmation emails…

Obligatory and hilarious Steve Harvey picture from a men's store window in Greensboro, SC, taken just last year:

A Nordstrom Rack is a chimera. It's a Nordstrom store with stuff that didn't sell from the regular Nordstrom, I think. Sometimes it is heaven and filled with the best dansko shoes and cotton shirts in exactly my size. Other times it is hell and filled only with blue sequined flip flops and strange nylon shirts shot…

This begs the question: why doesn't Tom Coughlin let opponents know about Eli's condition?

Good. We should forget 9/11. It's called moving on with your life. You don't spend your entire life in mourning over a lost loved one. That's considered unhealthy in any other circumstance. Moving on is an important part of returning to normal. Forgetting it is an important part of returning to normal. Take the…

Clarks brand heels. The best of both worlds!

I can tell you're a white guy from this comment, bruh.

The beats audio ad with LeBron really freaks me out.

Jesus, this is the stupidest fucking argument ever, and I have seen some stupid fucking arguments. If you walk through life til the age of 25 in the United States not knowing that there are multiple ways to prepare eggs, you have to be almost willfully stupid or have a severe mental deficit.

I die. I DIE! This. THIS! is the funniest thing I've seen all day. Possibly all week.

Why is it that now matter how much someone spends on surgery they always end up looking like The Joker?

"Oh my god. Oh my god," he repeated, looking up at his intended— a vast horror building behind his tear-filled eyes— wondering how it could have all changed so suddenly; how it would never be like it was; whether he could ever love her again. "Oh my god," he said once more, softer, before slipping away beneath the…

What an incredibly romantic gesture. I wonder what song he'll go with during the reveal.

Maybe the phone is symbolic of open communication and honesty.

I guess they would have hated to have had Ichiro on the team the last 12 years too then, huh? You'd never see Ichiro slam into a wall (though he'd climb one from time to time). I remember him explaining that diving and slamming into walls may get him on Sportscenter, but what good would it be to trade one out for a…