Let me share a story with you:

I miss the old days when I would go see Rockets games at The Summit and Astros games at the Astrodome. If I ever become rich enough to own a company and buy naming rights to a stadium, I’ll give it back to the people and let it be some awesome non-sponsored name.

But it was all the other women who took it on the chin.

A bronzed god with silver hair issues forth a golden shower.

I’m really starting to get worried that this sort of talk is going to incite violence on election night. Because when he loses, the portion of ABSOLUTELY INSANE society that he has legitimized and riled up will be absolutely irrevocably convinced that the world has ended and they’re therefore free to go on shooting…

Listen, I’m just glad you overcame your stroke and can use a keyboard again. I’m sure your tastebuds will come back eventually.

“Substantially all of the assets of SKULLY are now subject to liens held by a secured creditor.”

How about just park in a legit space or at the very least stay with the car if you are picking someone up!

So what you’re saying is that all four Jalopnik editors told you to Chevette?

Gorgeous!

I could only give you one star. So in response, I will post this picture.

However, my golf clubs were still there, but they took my bowling ball out of the bag and left the shoes. Thanks.

By pointing out news stories on the front page of a news site all being fear pandering you really just further emphasized my point.

Hey, look, the fear machine is working, this guy believes the terrorists are causing lightning strikes now. It’s okay though, we’re going to build a wall and the thunderstorms are going to pay for it.

Even the guy that has no idea what he’s doing at the plate is several inches further down the bat.

It drives me up the wall. I had things like reduced lunch as a kid, and now, guess what? I am a college-educated citizen with a job, who pays taxes, contributes to society, and serves in the military. You know what would have made all that impossible? Not being able to think in school because I was so hungry. So for…

Reports of Missing Mason Jar Coaches Hoping to Preserve Upcoming Pigskin Season

What you should have done is grab the dumpling between your teeth lightly keeping it away from the fleshy parts of your mouth and sucked in small amounts of air to cool it down while nibbling as fast as you can. That's my strategy for dealing with dangerous pizza rolls.

Pro tip 2: Don’t get old. Those mildly annoying hangovers at 23 become a death sentence at 33.