Generally speaking, improved conditions can absolutely delay the onset of old age.

That’s right - Rex Fucking Grossman! come on, sexy Rexy, it’s time to pull out the lasers again.

“MUH GOD!!!!! GRONK JUST HIT HIM WITH A STEEL CHAIR AND THE REF TOTALLY MISSED IT!!!! WILL SOMEONE STOP THE DAMN MATCH!!!”

This is the least corrupt league Gronk has ever participated in.

Wrestlemania 33 is just a warm-up for Gronk.

#Barves will always be a better baseball hashtag than anything MLB public relations hacks will ever be able to come up with.

Once again, White Sox, you do not fail to disappoint with mediocrity.

#LetsGoFish is quite excellent, considering that’s what most Marlins fans (term used loosely) will indeed be doing at game time.

#ChopOn? Oh fuck that.

How in the world does #windancerepeat reference the Red Sox? Shouldn’t be whinedicksrepeat?

A white man whipped in New Orleans? The times, they are a changing.

The really great thing is, you don’t have to be alone with a woman to take away her access to health care.

The most anger I ever felt as a child.

I imagine a viscous argument to involve swapping a lot of bodily fluids.

Rudy is that short guy in a bar who wants to pick a fight with you because you accidentally bumped into him. He is that guy who is constantly getting in viscous jealous arguments with his girlfriend because she was talking with another guy, who happens to be tall. Rudy won’t stop talking about how much he can bench…

countertaek: Rudy is a story about if a white guy whines enough about how he really, really wants to do something a bunch of black guys are more qualified to do, other white guys will give him the job.

You know, it’s strange that millennials are always being dubbed as the “everyone gets a trophy” generation when Rudy—fucking RUDY—is considered one of the most inspirational stories to come out of the ’70s. This is quite literally the story of a bad football player who gets to play for an elite team simply because he…

I don't say this with pride, but I've done seven of those (six if her name actually has to be Muffy).

Field hockey? How could you leave out field hockey?!? IT'S PLAYED IN ADORABLE TARTAN SKIRTS, HELLO.