It's a fruit jam stored at room temp. The heavy vinegar content and swift use keeps it from turning, except when it doesn't. If you're in a restaurant and the ketchup bottle has little bubbles visible through the glass, carefully hand it off to your server.

Let's not forget "special cleaning days," where you have to pull shit out and clean behind, under, around it. I don't remember how many times I had to dive into the beer coolers for broken glass and stale, spilled beer.

All restaurant owners are psychotic. Except for Dave "Captain D" Wachtel, God rest his soul. That man was a saint.

It is. In your head. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to go out.

Thank you. If my dad dies, and your teddy bear loses an eye in the washing machine, we're both sad.

We had to soak the caps in vinegar every morning, then wipe them out, because God forbid a married ketchup bottle got fizzy and exploded.

OMG! My stepsister worked at a seafood restaurant on the Outer Banks (NC) in the '70s, and they had to stay after close and pick crabs until oh-fuck-thirty!

Yes. One restaurant I worked at had all the BOH employees clock out at 40 hours, and even in TN, they won a big judgement against the restaurant and got back wages.

I don't envy your experience, but do remember that the Pennsylvania Dutch made pie the great dessert that it is today.

Was that the one on White Bridge Road?

Good bar backs help with closing, and are well tipped-out for it if they work with good bartenders.

I used to tend bar at this horrible place, and they had something called a "beer differential," or something like that, I've blocked it.

You are a genius.

And would you want to find out on your wedding night that you pledged your troth to a furry?

That article is hilarious:

All of Dog Eat Dog.

Can't say I blame her.

Yeah! Like blouses that don't show stains when you dribble your box wine! Mrs. Kasha Davis would be all up in that shit.

You sound fun.

Yes! I used to poach whole chickens in a regular microwave, but of course you don't get the crispy skin that way. That convection deal should help there.