Yeah, somehow brushing your teeth is exposing you to airborne shit particles, but PEELING FUCKING EGGS in the bathroom isn’t? This may be the worst take in funbag history.

They’re both being invited to continue the discussion on tonight’s episode of All Takes Matter.

Don’t leave out the legislators and prosecutors and judges and executives who gave us the current criminal justice policy environment (including the significant legal apparatus built up around the blue wall of silence). Rampant police abuse, carried out arbitrarily and with prejudice, is a predictable outcome of…

Soft hands feet

Yeah, same. One I use a lot with people who call in a tizzy is “oh yeah, I get messed up on that sometimes myself.” You can almost hear their anger recede on the phone.

You won’t believe how drivers in your state are persuading others

Reading this collection of mild, unoriginal needling is restoring my faith in humanity. I didn’t see even one person wish death on Barry’s entire family over a hockey game. What a refreshing departure.

Somebody get this man a 2-liter of Mountain Dew, stat.

Nope, it’s not about something being “wrong” with you, in any way. I’m just talking about the fundamental nature of unhappiness, which can be thought of as the difference between what we want and what we have. The way that Buddhists often phrase it is that “desire is the root of all suffering.”

And yes, that includes devoted Google Play Music customers who’ve been around from the beginning and are still locked in at the original $8 per month price.

It’s like Rule 34, but for social media takes. If you can imagine someone bitching about it on social media, it’s already been bitched about.

Part of the problem is that we always expect a change in external circumstances to have a huge effect on how we think or feel (the grass is always greener and all that). And it never quite works out like that, because wherever you go, there you are.

Yeah, using left-behind stuff as a pretext for maintaining contact is a classic Deranged Ex move.

My local store sells “Smart Chicken” which is air-chilled, it’s usually what I end up getting if they have it in stock. It’s a bit more expensive but it’s definitely not 4x as much as the other chicken. You can get a whole chicken for, I dunno, 10-11 bucks.

Wade Boggs approves.

Sounds like he has a pretty finely-tuned internal clock, he’s probably a good natural percussionist.

That tater was dope but the best part of the highlight was the little kids dancing in the aisle. Baseball is the best.

Fun fact: JD Martinez has a 1.049 OPS in 24 career plate appearances against one of the most scientific players in baseball, Trevor Bauer.

but “brieing” may not be the best choice for the recently divorced, widowed, or otherwise heartbroken.

Yeah in common conversation nobody is ever like, hey she said EST but it’s EDT right now, I better interpret that literally and compensate for the hour difference.