JESUS NEVERMIND

This needs to go to the top!

YES I KNOW THE ARTICLE SAYS CAROB

Also, David F. Wallace fans? Has anyone else ever heard this one before? I mean, yeah, you have to listen to some guy talk about DFW 'n' shit, but there are worse things to go on endlessly about.

"Rude to servers"

It's not clear to me that the treat in the picture isn't just a human treat with chocolate.

My common sense tells me that I don't let a dog anywhere near poison of any concentration.

You can buy these at the store:

Chocolate is bad for dogs. In case you didn't know.

"Go to ssssleep, human. All is well."

Jeebus, bedbug stories need a trigger warning or whatever. I'm a bedbug survivor and it took years for the parasitosis-like symptoms to fade away.

"Well too bad! You get Sliver II."

IDEA: Dating website for stressed out people. Profile questions include:

"Further questions?"

I'm just going to pretend this says 'lamppost' or something, because ugh.

WHY ARE YOU LIEING ABOUT JOSE?

140 characters + mobile device = typos for sure, but this is just too much.

Is this real? This guy is like a high-functioning illiterate.

Wait, you don't spend a lot of time planning out your post-rape-accusation PR moves?

Jesus.