Prior to this party, the young lady pictured sent a letter to her greek sisters, in exquisite calligraphy, warning them not to be "goddamn boners at the Delta Ups. party".

The novelty safety pin industry was HUGE in the 1930s. FACT: Eugene V. Debs organized the International Brotherhood of Novelty Safety Pin Benders and Sharpeners. In 1935, they gained the right to take pins from the assembly line to fasten their bindles!

Good for him! Even better for him if he actually uses the word "abortion" in his remarks.

SOON

"4) if the shake lasts more than 3 beats of a lark's breast, the twain must be married forthwith."

What about the "opposite hand over-the-top double shake"? Too much touching?

FRENCH cuffs!? More like "Freedom cuffs"!

1) You are a rich person and you got richer.*

Why isn't the interviewer wearing any pants?

She and the white-haired man are actually old friends; this is her "Glad to see you!" face.

Giving head is especially important in the early stages of a relationship, serious or not. How else do you build a familiarity with your partner's junk?

"Well, when I asked him why he hasn't gone down on me yet, his answer was that he only does that in serious relationships."

Hmm, have you tried making it a "date"? Like, going out and having drinks and doing activities not at all similar to the things you do at home? Then make it clear to him that sex is the endgame of those activities?

"The fog comes on Lil Bub's feet..."

(Not impressed with Silver Linings Playbook.)

If you want to see your FB friends in a bikini, why not message them and invite them to go to the...whatsitcalled...the beach?

Well, to be fair, James does look good in a tankini...

How about the popular "It's just what I find aesthetically pleasing and also evolution, fenimists!"

Exploiting poorly-secured photo sharing profiles, I think.

"Subscribe for more cute puppies"? MY MOUSE HAND IS MOVING OF ITS OWN ACCORD I CAN'T STOP IT