By your reasoning, any photo of somebody in mid-air making a diving catch is actually capable of flight.

O AN HE SEXY

My caramel apples always had Granny Smiths under the caramel, but maybe I just got lucky. Either way, I'd rather find a razor blade in my Tootsie Roll than find a Red Delicious in my caramel apple.

Remember that Brian McCann and Carlos Gomez situation earlier in the season? It's similar to that.

They are good for making applesauce and throwing into compost heaps, and maybe for giving to animals. That's about it.

"Red Delicious" is a name that I think most of the country finds offensive.

Keep in mind that burning alleged witches at the stake was around for a long time as well, and it's not cool to do that anymore.

You can't spell "St. Louis Cardinals" without "Class."

Are you the type of person to tell somebody that you're smart?

A rational Cards fan? Am I about to see frogs raining from the sky?

When your fans refer to themselves as the best fan in baseball, you should expect this to come your way. It's like somebody calling his or herself "funny" or "smart" or "pretty."

There is a very strong correlation between people who call into sports talk radio shows and people who don't know the difference between "your" and "you're."

The walkoff home run point is something I didn't even consider, but it is crazy that you can't celebrate hitting a fucking homer...unless you just beat the other team, in which case, go nuts.

It's the pants.

Somebody posted the Ovechkin Eastern Motors commercial as a reply to mine and it is absolutely legendary.

Did you miss the letters from Cardinals fans?

A Snyder Man would coat the opposition's locker room with smallpox and pretend like it never happened.

The irreplaceable and undeniably accurate google.com.

#MostUnnecessaryHashtagUseInBaseball

Oh yeah, you're talking about that QB who came in and won a playoff game back in 2011? Bring him in! T.J. Yates has proven that he can win the moderately big game.