I encountered a really dumb secret shopper when I worked at Barnes and Noble. She gave me the wrong title and didn't have the author's name so of course I couldn't find it. Luckily for me, she also got MY name wrong, so I never got in trouble, but when our manager brought it up I immediately knew it was me. She…

You should have asked them what would happen if you put a person in an oven and baked them at 350 degrees for 45 minutes to an hour.

...no? It's standard.

Especially if starting with american beer, which is only vaguely alcoholic to start.

If only he'd stayed longer you could have explained that if any of the human meat has been frozen, that's written on the package. But the fresh human meat is still dead. If he wants fresh live human meat, he'll have to go to a restaurant and pick it out of the tank.

The beer ensures that they're always tender.

Ugh, Untold "Dry Martini, Extra Vermouth" orders just flashbacked me....SMH

Do you have any idea how little beer is in beer batter, though? It's barely even a part of the batter; combine the few tablespoons per batch with hot fry oil, and it's not going to have any effect on an alcoholic or an unborn child.

I notice you didn't mention tipping well.

THESE ARE YELLOW. I CANNOT ALIGN MY CHAKRAS WITH YELLOW.

If you're allergic to alcohol, you'll want to avoid products cooked in it, yes. Beer-battered fish will not get you drunk, however.

Beer-battered gratuities are the best kind of gratuities.

Well, a) both people involved in that story were women, and b) she didn't get fired because of the fish and chip answer (presumably). She got fired because that was a secret shopper who otherwise gave her a bad score.

AHHH the tender story! It reminds me so much of when I worked at Starbucks and a very snobby couple came in and demanded two wet cappuccinos with a lot of extra foam. I tried to explain to them that they were asking for two completely different things, but they didn't get it. They just kept returning the cappuccinos…

I used to work at a natural foods co-op...so we got plenty of crazy granola customers. As a front-end manager, much of this craziness was encountered by me...here I am...when a customer comes up to the counter and says...

"You should really put a warning sign on your breads."
"Huh?"
"Your bread needs a warning size."
"I'm…

Because people are stupid.

ARE THESE GRATUITIES? OMG I LOVE THOSE. OM NOM NOM, PRICE BE DAMNED.

I once had a customer order the filet mignon with red wine demi-glace, but only after requesting that we substitute the red wine for a chocolate martini.

The beer-batter lady is dumb as a box of rocks, but the server getting fired means the management is even worse. Did they think she had a valid point? Or were they just that spineless?

I need to breathe into a paper bag for a few minutes after reading about the secret shopper.