There's no place for this in soccer or anywhere else for that matter. Just turn the phone sideways before you press record you monster.

And despite your corporate overlords telling you to stick to sports, I hope Deadspin never does because

and I can’t emphasize this enough

I come to Deadspin BECAUSE YOU DON’T JUST STICK TO SPORTS

That’s the wurst, don’t be a brat.

That’s an incredibly sudden and decisive knockout. He really Polished him off there.

God, I hope that "lock him up" chant burned its way into his insecure little facsimile of a soul and we get a torrent of rage tweets about it tomorrow. HOOK IT TO MY VEINS!

Fixed! 

I would have gone a slightly different route. I’d agree to call him “doctor” but I’d tell him that his real last name will never, ever be used. He’d have to basically choose between maintaining our previous arrangement or constantly being referred to as “Dr. Feelgood,” “Dr. Nick Riviera,” “Dr. Demento,” “Dr. Mengele,” …

I’m an adult I should be able to call him Bob (or Dickhead) if I want. Do you agree?

“...in my great and unmatched wisdom...”

People who type in all caps.

2 1/2 years in and it still boggles my mind every fucking day.

I live in Canada, and I know her. A lot of us know her

This data sounds a lot like my girlfriend. You wouldn’t know her, she lives in Canada.

Not the worst thing Craig James has gotten away with 

Look, I don’t really care what airplane faeries do in the privacy of their own cockpit, but do they need to shove their lifestyle in my face?

“The rare butt boner.”

Today I learned: Sáček is the Czech equivalent of Sanchez.

“You can just throw them out of windows??”