I don’t know why I laughed so hard when Hader says, “We call ourselves.....the Squad.”

With the demise of Louis CK (well, he’s not actually dead; he has just entered a kind of living death), John Mulaney has emerged as America’s top comedian.

Bryce Harper At His Phillies Press Conference: “The Academy Award for Best Picture goes to La La Land.”

I believe the technical term is “shredded.”

He’s not jacked he is cut, jacked means big (Cavill for example) and cut means small but good lean body mass.

If they only ran one loop, they would have gotten their 6.4-mile split across then ran on to the finish line without doing the second loop.

She will be forever banned from the CFL and participation in the 36.5 Metre Dash.

13 years? He’ll 39, fat, angry, and with an even bigger beard. Why would Philly want that

To really put the duration of this contract into perspective, when it expires, R. Kelly will try to have sex with it.

A Game of Throws

Next: Weezer covers its cover of ‘Africa’.

Wow. A player effectively banned from playing his sport in an entire country?! He must have REALLY disrespected their national anthem. 

Is Philly going to erect somethng in his honor?

i feel like this must be some kind of record for dick jokes per unit word

No jokes here, they should have thrown that fucking little shit and his dad out of the stadium and barred them from re-entry. What an entitled little mutant. Fuck that kid.

Fun fact: “The Touching is, To Me, Off Limits,” was the original title of MC Hammer’s 1990 breakthrough single. 

Siakam is the sort of guy you want to go to the literal ends of the earth with.

The Leafs can afford to front load his salary as signing bonus every July 1st. Also, the marketing in Toronto is worth more than what the Islanders offered him.

If a rival company offered any of these people the same job they are doing now but for $0.02/hr more, they would be gone so fast they’d get a bill for cleaning up the skidmarks.

GMs hate him! See how he upended the NBA with one simple trick!