“I just want to read about sports, not bullshit world affairs and political nonsense.”

Or a sound investment in a sure bet, depending on how you look at it.

Show of hands: who now wants to see a picture of this agent?

Maybe the cheerleaders did something completely disgusting and amoral, like going to a restaurant with a married man.

Rumor has it the cheerleaders were also part of a pyramid scheme.

Wow, what a bunch of THUGS

“For a Giants defense that was without Jason Pierre-Paul ... it was all hands on deck.”

This should really set the standard for any more boat takes this season. Any article should contain a minimum of five puns about boats, sailing, etc.

Baseball is the only sport that actually looks like America.

If Utah had won, they planned on celebrating by passing around a large Starbucks coffee and letting each player have one tiny sip, Prophet be praised.

On two consecutive plays starting at 1:34 in that video, he dunks on Kenneth Faried on a pick and roll, then curls off a pindown for an 18-foot catch-and-shoot. One player isn’t supposed to do both of those things.

Soar like the eagle you are

At least she’s paid taxes on those hundreds of millions on a regular basis.

I guess there are blind spots on these little Carrs.

How’s the reception at the RNC?

High school officials had their suspicions piqued when they overheard Johnathon discussing how he feels that although Nels Cline has been an amazing addition to Wilco, he just had not like the direction the band had been heading towards until Star Wars. But, man oh man, what an amazing return to glory. And it’s…

The Spurs are just sitting there waiting for the next pick up game like the cagey 40something at the recreation center, adjusting his elbow pads and using a special solution to clean his sports goggles.

This will not happen. Showing my child something from Bleacher Report is the type of evidence my ex-wife needs to regain custody.

It’s a simple question. If you were a hotdog, would you eat yourself?

“In college, I was up under this microscope everywhere I went.”