He’s caught by a photo, he’ll be lucky to get it down to Shenanigans.

Even though both perpetrators pictured were wearing masks, a police spokesperson says he is confident they have the right person in custody. “We are absolutely positive he is the man pictured. Possibly both men.”

Surely his lawyer can plea bargain his Mischief charge down to Tomfoolery.

Maybe now he’ll also pay for his abduction of “The Virgin” Connie Swail.

His punishment will almost certainly be a lifetime ban from Blue Jays games. Or, if he has a really good lawyer, he’ll get a lifetime ban from Blue Jays and Leafs games.

+1 co-pay

It’s gross; you’ve been warned.

Yeah, that shit had better be in metric, or we’re not buying the story.

Great Job. But it’s not really a $120 dollar engine. You did the smart thing by swapping out parts, which cost parts and labor. And I don’t know about you, but my time is worth a lot of money. So, at best, you have a $120* engine (* some parts and assembly required; batteries not included).

There needs to be a tv show with Detective John Lopnik solving vehicular based crimes.

Hopeful that the officer pulls through.

Derivative 6 but only because Electric 6 had that one song the fan base is a little uncomfortable with #WannaSpendAllYourMoney

Ugh. I just looked at their lineup. I hate these companies that sell you new versions when they should still be in beta. Probably going to need a bunch of mid-season patches that still leave the team pretty glitchy.

The amount of times they say “sorry” makes me think they’ve already began to prepare for their Canadian relocation.

In touch with the ground
I’m on a hunt down after you
Smell like I sound I’m lost in a crowd.
And I’m hungry like the wolf.
Straddle the line in discord and rhyme
I’m on a hunt down after you.
Mouth is alive with juices like wine
And I’m hungry like the wolf

As a Cubs fan, I’m delighted that you erroneously think these were written by Cubs fans.

Does anyone outside of shitcago read this day in, and day out crap that you guys call sports writing?

That hashtag tho. #ARI20NA

I know it must be hard to sell hockey in the goddamn desert, but “the desperate email you send your ex 4 months after she broke up with you”isn’t probably the smart route.

+1 for the oxford comma shout out. They are necessary you barbarians.