Yeah, it took us months to get our dog from the pound. They wanted to make sure we were the right people and that he wouldn't just end up abandoned again. My partner pointed out we could have bought a puppy and gone home with him that night from a pet shop (which is not a good thing!). 

I really do hate people too.

Actually, the correct term is "furrever home". Now please excuse me, this projectile vomited isn't going to clean itself.

Not sure if this is where the term was first coined, but it’s widely used by animal shelters and other rescue organizations to communicate that they want all of the animals in their care to be adopted only into homes where the owner is serious about caring for them for the rest of their lives (rather than giving it…

i work with a 90 year old woman who’s still pretty good mentally. one morning, she reported that she had seen an alligator sunning itself on her small back patio. we live on cape cod so i was pretty sure there was no alligator but she is convinced she saw it. she also sees little animals (we refer to them as her…

I really do hate people. 

Think about it: What kind of toll does it take on a person to have to make a conscious decision NOT to smile each and every time you feel joy (i.e. like finally peeing when you had to go really bad, or finding 20$ in last seasons coat pocket). And she is actively promoting this as a solution to aging .

I’m having a hard time with aging. I’m vain as hell but what is she going to do when she turns 60, 70 years old? Seriously.

My dad puts out peanuts for squirrels, too. His first complaint is that they bury them, when they have a literal endless supply, via him. I’m like, they’re never going to get over eons of natural instinct. His second complaint is that they bury them in his freshly planted stuff, instead of the yard (well yeah, you…

He’s clearly just talking about that hard-hitting documentary, Gone Girl.

Reminds me of a time in H.S. where this football player who was regularly bothering me was blocking my way to the door when I was trying to get to class. He kept moving to block me and I didn’t want to be late, so I kicked him in the leg. 

The piece opens with an incident that “still bothers” Morgan, where a girl in computer lab told him to stop opening and shutting the door. When he didn’t she “smacked him in the face” and he “smacked her back.” This was the advice Morgan’s mother gave him:

And he, of course, is blameless in it all. The girl just lashed out for no reason other than he closed a door. That’s all he did.

Seriously, what’s with the constant references (real or not) to women attacking him!? I’ve worked in a high school (not far from west Bend, actually, with similar demographics) for 15 years and I can count on one hand the # of times we’ve had a girl hit a guy: one because the guy spread rumors that he had nudes of her…

Yeah, he had a friend who revealed himself to be a fellow squirrel relocator - he used nontoxic paint to tag their tails and sure enough they came from miles away. My dad eventually stopped because he felt badly about removing them from friends and family 😄

The quote about the mother’s advice is just disturbing. The whole story around that quote is ridiculous. How about teach your kids not to be garbage human beings, not that everyone (especially teenage girls) is out to get them? How is the mother’s first reaction to this that the girl could lie or do something to frame…

This kid’s take on hunting basically sums up the mentality of all these fucking dickheads.

Those poor squirrels are just trying to live and eat, and you put priority to a fucking vanity garden?

do you hate people or do you hate late capitalism that commodifies nature?

My jade plant is for sure not the same thing as a nearly half a millennium old bonsai but I feel for these people. Turns out taking care of plants can be a really cool and profound education. Once you figure out plants, much more of how the world works will begin to make some sense.