Remember before the Internet when people just fucking proposed with a goddamn ring in a champagne glass/piece of chocolate cake/etc.?

Yes, good luck to you, too! Sorry, I didn't mean to make that about me. It sounds like it's for the best that your ex is now an ex. Mentally well or not it is better to be alone than with someone that isn't willing to support you through the tough stuff as well as the good. (I just worry I won't know how to tell which…

My old maid status is looking more and more advantageous every day.

I'm an admin assistant and I can totally verify that. Yes, I know everything about everyone. I'm not even nosy or gossipy! People just tell me everything, or talk about stuff when I'm right there, as if I'm not even there. I am like a lamp to them. But this lamp has alllllll the dirt.

First of all. You are way more interesting than me.

They fell victim to one of the classic blunders. Never fight a land war in Asia, and never try to out-weird Weird Al.

"Say 'Kotex' so you don't have to say 'menstruation."

Constantly ramming a penis against my cervix does NOTHING for me, and I don't feel like it does much for the dude either.

Yeah- when the first few minutes of every time you have sex feels like the gyno cranking open the speculum for your pap smear, it really puts a damper on your enthusiasm for sexing that person.

I gotta say, I appreciate this apology. It was way better than her "sorry you were offended" tweet, and I like that she says that she has taken the time to learn something about why what she said was wrong.

Or maybe red-handed.

God, I feel so sympathetic to those who've worked in movie theaters, especially if they were the cleaning staff afterwards. My friend had once found a used condom between one of the seats. Not to mention on another occasion she had to kick a couple out who were going at it during the credits...

She was caught wet-handed.

A big part of the issue is simply portion size. There is no reason to eat a burrito the size of a baby's head. This can be said for most chains. Yes, Cheesecake Factory, you too.

You're not actually required to eat your entire burrito in one sitting. Supplementing more meat for rice and making two dinners of one burrito makes it a reasonable and economical choice.

The shame factor of those things is no joke. I lost mine and actually ended up replacing it because seeing how goddamn low those numbers were now that I work in an office terrified the shit out of me. Not having them shoved in my face multiple times a day made it easier to be in denial.

This one is my fave. It made me giggle a lot.

Okay, yeah. I'm in. I am totally into this five stages of grief, fantasy comedy news show draft line up thing. In no particular order- Tina, Amy, Jessica Williams, Chelsea Peretti (why not), Tig Notaro...fuck yeah- Tig Notaro!

I was too late to the other discussions so my comment won't get seen.
Blah blah blah, I'm truly sad about Stewart leaving. I'm not going to say anything original about that.
This is what I want people to read: Comedy Central needs to pony up the fucking cash and replace him with Tina Fey! She is the only person with…