OH MY FUCKING GOD IKR?? Every time the screen goes all black during a movie or something, I have to fight the urge to be like "FLEEN MAH CHAT PAH, SOLO. HO HO HO HOOOO" and then put on a ski mask or something.

That's why I wind up marathoning so much TV on Netflix. That split-second where I catch my reflection in the black screen is too much to bear.

This is very true, I have a very crease-y neck, but I'm old enough to have spent far more time reading than checking my phone/computer. I will treat my neck creases, like my customer service frown lines, as a badge of honor.

So far I'm fortunate that my external aging is limited. But if only people knew the weird things my joints do.

It's happening to everyone but premature aging is only a "problem" for women.

"First, let me say, people today love being offended. I think it's a symptom of social media and the feeling of self importance it enables." She adds, "I've had the good fortune to go to Bali multiples times and I can tell you this is exactly what you'd find there."

i agree

Holy shit, that George Clooney joke was straight up brilliant.

Pretty much every baby before about 1975 was born to a woman who drank and smoked. You have to really drink a lot to affect the health of the child in any significant way. Not sure exactly what smoking does except low birth weight, but everyone used to smoke. It's not ideal, of course.

Well, all babies pre-1960's or 1970's were born with their mothers swilling beer and smoking. That alcohol/tobacco thing is pretty recent.

My favorite I didn't know I was pregnant was a skinny Irish lady in a rock band who gained about 5 lbs during the pregnancy that her bandmates attributed to chips and beer. She had always had irregular periods, and spotted occasionally during the pregnancy, so that combined with the lack of weight gain ... she had no…

Um, yeah they do. My mom would sooner kill me than throw a rager for an underage me.

Filed to: White people doing whatever the fuck.

P.S: candidate should be ok with possibly being murdered and buried under the floorboards.

so where does his muse sleep? oh right, she just recharges in a corner chair.

The coldest, saddest puppy in Illinois

I grew up in Montana on the Rocky Mountain front. I laugh at you all. I laugh and laugh and laugh.

Go fuck yourself, Irvine!

Minnesota addendum:

Yo, that same polar vortex that's attacking the US is in Canada as well. Shitty weather doesn't magically stop at the border. Only differences are that here it's EVEN COLDER and nothing is cancelled or closed. I have never had a snow day in my life. Yeah, I'm bitter.