When he joined Twitter, I was afraid it was going to ruin his mystique entirely. I mean, Twitter is for mortals. Prince should only communicate with us lesser beings via multi-colored scarves being used for semaphore and laser light shows.

Fuck Beyonce. Prince is not even on the same planet as her. Dude was able to play so many instruments stellarly, had an insane vocal range, and style that could kill.

He was great at so many things but I’ve always thought of him as one of the greatest guitar players of all time. It has always struck me as odd that he was never on any of the lists.

It’s been grey and raining all day in the Twin Cities. And God as my witness, right now the sky is purple. Unreal.

You can say a lot of a horrible things about Bills fans but to say they support Trump is insulting to the city of Buffalo.

I actually liked this movie when I saw it in IMAX 3-D but I’m sure it’s unwatchable now.

“You won’t need genitals where we’re going...[unintelligible screaming]”

Mmmmm...as a Buffalonian, I cannot WAIT for this latest McCoy “story” to get local, old, racist-panderer, Jerry Sullivan at the Buffalo News in an uproar. Seriously, Deadspin should do a weekly teardown of this guy’s columns. He is a native New Englander who pines to write really deep articles about baseball and…

(John Wayne Gacy was a famous clown who got in trouble for being too awesome at birthday parties.)

Not the first time.

so i got my teaching degree but never got my licence because i realized during my student teaching that HAHAHA NO NO I DONT WANT TO TEACH WHAT WAS I THINKING

Adam LaRoche isn’t like other professional athletes.

The 80s dominated with Action Movies. Never to be surpassed in any decade.

People who douse their fries in malt vinegar are no better than cigarette smokers. Likewise they should be forced to eat that garbage outside so as not to ruin my dining experience.

Peanuts has to be #1. Can you take the vendors into consideration here? There is a peanut guy at the Royals’ games who can fire those bags, with accuracy, across two sections.

Uh...where the hot holy fuck is smokeless tobacco?!?

ITT: white people.

every 4 days or so. think jason statham minus the badassery

I was in Austin probably 15 years ago and was coming down the elevator of a hotel around 6:30 am to go for a run. As I reached the bottom floor, the doors opened, and Merle Haggard is standing there with some woman, both three sheets to the wind. Merle slinks in before I can get out, and he looks me over in my gym…

Change your ring tone and don’t answer it. This is my ringtone: