Moonshine thinks you have a purdy mouth.

I'd like to formally file a motion to GET THIS GUY THE FUCK OFF MY PLANET.

Manischewitz is your parent's friends son who you kissed in the wood paneled basement rec room who dedicated a song to you on Casey Kasem's Top Forty Countdown.

You seem cool.

Ghirardelli liquer brings you a cake because you sounded sad on the phone but leaves when you try to kiss him.

Bud Light Lime is the guy you went back with to his place, only to watch him cry into his pillow over his ex.

I want one.

Irish Coffee's are the man you swore you only liked as a friend, but he's so comforting and nice, you sleep with him anyway. And maybe you even fall in love.

Mojitos are hipster boys that you think could be really good fucks but then they try to be ironically racist and you have to finish them quickly and not get another.

ya-no.

Limoncello is Dean Winchester?

ewwwwww

O'Doul's: Fresh-faced, bright-eyed and cornfed. But a half hour or so into the first date: "So...have you heard the good news? He is risen!"

Corona has hobbit feet but insists on wearing flip-flops everywhere because the hair will keep his feet warm... refers to shoes as "foot prisons."

Mike's Hard Lemonade has a creepy fixation on much, much younger women.

Hard cider is your bisexual boyfriend who you get jealous of at parties

All bros are light beer. And if they make fun of my dainty girly drinks like my Old Fashioned or Manhattan it probably means they're oblivious lightweights too.

Light beer will make you split the check (which is only 12 dollars!!!) and also shoot you judgy eyes when you order a non-light beer because CARBS!

Seriously WTF! I'm going to turn of my PC and try to pretend these kinds of sick people don't exist.

Is he seriously trying to use the "just kidding" excuse? It doesn't work for children and it certainly doesn't work for vivid rape stories.