Yeahhh, daily blowjobs sound boring for everyone involved. Routine is the enemy of satisfaction, crazy lady.

I'm not seeing a lot of "alpha" here, nor do I see cowardice in all of these stories. Megan is a woman in an open relationship. Gloria and Sarah sound like garden variety assholes. Laura sounds like a very unhappy person who's decided to upend her entire life and used this as a stepping stone to get there.

People who serially cheat or engage in "Weiner" type conduct whether male or female are just seeking validation and using sexual behavior and tracking responses to measure their worth.

yeah, but they all don't look like Ryan Lochte. ;-)
And anyway they are bound to say or do something douche-y that will spoil the mood, if not at the moment, then in retrospect.

I feel like people on Krokodil are gonna make the zombie apocalypse thing come true. They have speech impediments and rotting, falling off scaly flesh.

But then you can call the Winchester boys to come over and kill the demon and since you just happen to be in bed already... I mean for a chance on a threesome with those boys, what's one little demon?

Biggest mistake I ever made in the bedroom was spilling a whole glass of milk on the carpet. It took like 3 bottles of enzyme cleaner to get my bedroom to stop smelling like cottage cheese.

Mistake #3, "Criticism," states that "nothing will turn off your partner faster than telling him what you don't like and don't want taking place."

I've totally stopped to pee. Sheesh. If someone objected, I'd be like, "Look dude, it's the toilet or your bed. Your call."

Uhh...yeah. Sometimes you need to hydrate. And sometimes you gotta pee. Your dude sounds like he's hasn't had a lot of experience.

He's being a dick. That or he has a golden shower fetish...but that wouldn't account for why he doesn't want you to hydrate.

Seriously tho. I feel like the humble and hard working towel should have been acknowledged in sex ed.

For real, though, a towel solves 83% of all bedroom-related quandaries.

I feel the need to quote Margaret Cho "If you don't like what I look like when you're fucking me....then maybe you SHOULDN'T BE FUCKING ME!"

All I'm saying is that comfy clothes come off a lot easier than regular ones....

0. Inviting a douchebag to share your bed.

but how do we sleep while our beds are burning?

I echo that boo for huffpost's tips. Anybody who doesn't adore their partner in sweatpants or yoga pants and a frowsy t-shirt is doing it wrong.

We do, however, want to avoid arson-shaming.

You know what is awesome in the bedroom? Having fun with your partner by telling them what feels good and asking them what feels good. You can pretty much never go wrong with that unless you forget to take the ball-gag out before asking.