I kept expecting to read "Her breasts were like two bags of sand"...

I've had a couple of guys pull this. Like I am supposed to be all: "Wow it's that BIG?!!? I better have sex with your right now and see for myself." Instead it kind of went like this: "How nice for you. I have to go now."

If you "throw" your tongue down my throat, I will probably "throw" up on you.

"It's so huge it's, like, killing me" - dude, she's telling you you're physically paining her. Did she sign up for that? Slow your roll (or, um, thrust.)

"the narcissism is so deep - that's what she said." + 1000000000000000

You know, if you're being strict about how you read things, a virgin could make that statement truthfully.

I'm literally angry at all of you for making this seem funny enough to click on. It wasn't.

At this party in high school I was playing Never Have I Ever with some friends of friends, and this gross kid kept saying: "never have I ever had sex with a girl who didn't say it was the best sex she's ever had". He probably wrote this.

I know, right? Like, if you're "throwing" your tongue at people, you are doing it wrong.

I would actually kind of appreciate the fact that Thought Catalog is now a full-on parody of itself, except for the fact that most of its writers are clearly not in on the joke.

The men with big dicks..... Never discuss it's size. In my experience this has held true for many years and many men. I am too old to care if that sounded slutty.

Larry HARDIN??? stop it.

I'm so depressed that I read that. It's just missing, "Dear Penthouse..."

"i threw my tongue down her throat" ... i just. so gross.

I honestly hope the article was a bad attempt at satire or parody.

What is up? I have a large penis. Also, I feel enthused about certain items I have recently purchased from a second-hand store.

This guy needs to learn it is not the size that counts, but the number of ritualistically inscribed scars.

"I came so hard when I was wanking while typing this bullshit with one hand that it hit the wall behind me." 100% completely true story.