This was the first paragraph in his column:

The size of this sentence is the same as a Solstice trunk space.

I had a turbo Solstice and a Nissan Sentra. The Sentra was the better car.

Is Phil Jackson auditioning for an episode of The Blacklist?

No, because unlike some, I have The Ethnics.

You mean the Wigsphere.

It does with steaks.

A lady had sex with a dog? Was it this lady?

I thought you were joking and then I actually found the Deadspin article that confirmed it.

Doesn’t Marchman live in Philly? For the first time ever, I approve of the NFL fucking over a city.

He’s the hero the internet NEEDS, but not the one it DESERVES 

Except Pawnee

We ain’t getting shot in the streets or pulled over by cops for zero reasons so I consider it soft in relative terms.

It’s the same here in Vietnam. A BMW 320i starts at $64,000.

Why read about some dude trying and failing to flip unreliable exotics when you can read about actual car culture?

So what you’re saying is that you’re worried about ethics in journalism about games. Is that correct?

What are the Toronto Chris Boshes

My favorite Phil Simms moment was when he said the Saints shouldn’t blitz against Peyton Manning during the Super Bowl. The Saints blitzed and this happened:

Sounds like Stef gets those for being a filthy human being.

You can buy a version of this with Brembos, grippy tyres, and a 304KW engine. You just have to buy it in Australia.