Boston sucks. Give ‘em hell.

Lucky there were abortions for which to pay.

I met a super geeky, super shy, super HOT dude when I was 18. We hooked up after a beach party, but after we’d boned he started CRYING. Turns out, he was also super RELIGIOUS. I wasn’t just the first girl he’d had sex with, I was the first girl he kissed. We saw each other off and on all summer, thankfully with no…

I worked in a used CD store. I had a coworker who had a really nasty breakup with his girlfriend of 2 years. He started heading back to his hometown on the weekends. He told us that he had run into his highschool girlfriend while he was home. After a month or so, he told us she was pregnant. He said he felt like the…

It ended with a surprise paternity suit for me.

But I thought that regulations are bad, that we should have fewer regulations and with fewer enforcement powers!

Just for anyone who needed to hear this today, alcohol is not responsible for your partner’s shitty abusive behavior. I had too much to drink hosting a bachelorette this weekend (safely at home), and my instinct was to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen. (Not very successfully, but the point stands.)

How about the petty I plan on doing? When my father died his second wife(the gold digging witch, I’d call her a bitch but that’s a female dog and I like dogs) had him cremated even though he wanted to be buried next to my mother. Then she divided his ashes and gave his kids half and had the other half put in a burial…

My senior year of college, I got engaged.

I’ve been wracking my brains to think up a time when I betrayed a friend else (to make up for sharing a story where the opposite happened). Here’s the closest I can think of:

That reminds me of the last time I went to church, at my grandmother’s 101st birthday request. The pastor’s sermon was some bible section about, among other things, adultery, and I said to my husband, “that preacher and his wife are both boning other people in this room.”

20+ years ago... This is during the don’t ask, don’t tell era.

My then-bff is in a long term lesbian relationship with someone in the service. This person is risking their entire career to cater to my bff’s whims. For three years, my bff is completely kept bitch. She doesn’t work. While her woman is off busting her ass…

Had a boyfriend at 19, he was 23, and it was definitely more serious to him than to me, but I was caving to pressure by friends to “give him a chaaaance!”. Yeah, don’t do that, folks. I dumped him after a few months when he told me he wanted to get very serious (marriage) and I was definitely not wanting that with him…

Let’s see. Can i tell this from the opposite perspective?

But her character had the worst character development of all of them! I love Buffy, I love Willow, but whatever-her-name-was developed into an awful person on HIMYM. She started out quite normal and then became The Worst

When I was in law school, my husband and I would watch HIMYM on the laptop in bed before we fell asleep, and it was basically the only time we spent together for years. So, we had a real fondness for it. Decided to go back and rewatch a couple months ago for old times’ sake, and holy shit. How did we not realize how aw…

I’m over the whole ‘schlub with an attactive woman’ sitcom trope, though. 

Naw, all the CBS viewers saw Green Book last winter. They’re woke now.

I want Bob❤️Abishola to do well just because the concept of a middle class white man pursuing a black immigrant will freak out the core CBS viewership. I will enjoy their outrage. I can almost hear my husband’s step-mother now. 

I'm glad Cobie Smulders is the break out star from HIMYM and not that annoying dude who played Ted. I hated that show, but I hated her the least.