Still more traumatized by my fil gift of his 70s porn collection because he knew I collect vintage stuff. The porn collection was actually pretty cool and worth some $$ but he has dementia and unfortunately forgot that he kept his vintage selfies in the same box. Yup I got pictures of my fil wang for a present.

I was depressed enough that I stole a gun from my dad and was planning on killing myself. I got lucky when he found it missing, I was found in my car in a forest preserve. I’d been there for five hours, I had had that thing in mouth, up to my temple, and against my chest. I ended up in handcuffs and then in an…

My mother in law,sent me a box of her used unmentionables. Including crotchless underwear and a bra that unzipped at the nips and some opened lube. Very used and in size xs which I most definitely am not. Now when he tells me to wear something niice,I whisper like yo mamas undies and he shuts right up.

Missing the point much? 

My dad handed me a christmas card that he hadn’t even bothered to seal, it had two twenties inside along with a cursory signature and no message. I looked at the bills confused, I had hoped my distant and emotionally aloof father would have given me something personal, a celebration of the one day a year he’d bother…

I just googled this, wondering how you could object to such a gift, but I see that it is NOT a combination glitter bomb. I am deeply disappointed.

Even though my dad and step-mother have been married for over 20 years, and even though I lived with them for almost 10 years, my step-mother acts like she has no idea who I am when it comes to gift giving. It should be easy since we like absolutely opposite everything. She wears gold jewelry, i do silver. She likes…

My Dad’s girlfriend (She’s three years older than me and will never be referred to anything but that) gets me the dumbest gifts. They aren’t inherently mean, but they require absolutely no thought and are just so mindbogglingly WTF.

My brother was the worst, worst gift giver. One year, he gave my sister in law an art kit so she “could paint like a real artist” - she was studying at the Chicago Institute of Art soooooo. The year he pulled my name from our random draw, I knew it was going to be bad. I was recently separated from fiancé (we were…

Oh god, i thought of a second place worst present. When I was 9,  I wanted a Sega Genesis so damn bad. But it wasn’t under the tree so I figured we couldn’t afford it and moved on. We then went to bitch grandma’s house for the rest of the day. My asshole parents spent the whole day teasing me about pouting because I…

I’ve mentioned this before, but here we go again.

Write “F¥ck You” across it in sharpie and send it back to her.

My paternal grandmother was a major bitch and she hated me but loved my little sister. She was not coy about this. The phrase “It’s a shame you aren’t pretty like your sister. Smarts will get you nowhere is life.” Once came out of her mouth. And one Thanksgiving when I was 13, she questioned my paternity at dinner.

My husband and I worked really hard to pick an appropriate gift for our very close, very stylish friends. They lived in a huge, meticulously decorated home and had very particular tastes. We settled on a lovely, not inexpensive artisan fruit bowl. We were both so pleased at how much they liked it. I legit saw it in…

ICU nurse for over 20 years. Declaration of death (and therefor life) is not based on a heartbeat. It’’s based on brain activity. I’ve seen quite a few dead people with a heartbeat. And besides, didn’t the USSC use “viablity” as the benchmark for when a state could prohibit an abortion? 

He said he was concerned his passport would get stolen, which still makes no sense.

I had been a poor student for years, sleeping on an air mattress in a sleeping bag, when my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told her I wanted a duvet to replace my sleeping bag and a real suitcase to replace a weathered duffel bag. She implied she had some extra money that year and asked if I had a…

When I want to be insulting, I give an Applebee’s gift card. 

About 17 years ago, I was briefly engaged. In that month long of time, my (bipolar narcissistic) mom inundated me with menus, venues, bakeries, wedding dress vendors, and told me she was going to invite 300 people to the wedding and also that she and my dad were going to give me $10,000 for said wedding.

We get together with my dad and his wife somewhere hovering around Christmas. Though they have lots of cash, they are extremely frugal and prefer to exchange white elephant gifts. So my husband and teen daughter are there, along with several cousins, their partners, and two kids. We all give things like weird…