That’s seriously your takeaway from all this? Mine is #BanAbrahamicReligionsNow #NoVotingRIghts4Republicans for at least 100 years.

(Sorry, no pictures - trying to share the fuzziness is making Chrome crash.)

The parents are probably the ones who alerted the NCAA.

Fuck her shitty ass parents. Bill for family vacation... I hope she never pays and it fucks up your credit forever, you trifling, nasty assholes. I hope Discover calls you nightly. I hope this article gets you hate mail.

We do such a great job with our kids, eh? Her parents disown her. The school that’s supposed to be leading her through the last stage of becoming an adult tries to fuck her over. And the only organization that could theoretically protect her from the asshole Jesus freak fuckwads at the school sees what’s going on and…

I hope her parents get Salmonella for Xmas.

I think my favorite ever viral tweet thread was from a girl who’d change the contact name from “Mom” to her name on the phone of any guy who creeped her out before asking for her number. The obvious get being that it was a real ‘you played yourself’ move, in that if they sent a harmless text, they’d get a harmless…

This wasn’t MY worst text, but my husband’s, sent while we were dating- he thought he was texting me, but accidentally texted his boss: eggplant emoji, water spray, water spray, water spray.

Oh, god.

My mom also did this.  My nipple was, at that time, doing that extremely dark and really huge hormonal reaction thing, and as such was a stark contrast to my adorable newborn's head.  She then texted it to everyone and showed her entire office, which included a dude I had fucked who, bless him, did not respond with…

So my wife and I text animal noises to each other all the time - most frequently “meow” or some variation. Multiple animal noises usually signal we are especially excited about something.

“uncanny knack for grabbing the spotlight.”

When I lived abroad, I fell hard for a British guy, Paul, who was also living abroad. He had gotten divorced after being married a very short time. He said he walked in on his wife fucking some other guy and he was heartbroken. (In retrospect, this was probably BS.)

I still think he won’t show up because it’s hard to get the smell of smoke out of your hair.

I wish I could say I am surprised, but a white conservative male writer calling a woman a girl isn't shocking. It's annoying, but not a surprise. 

That guy has never heard of Poshmark? I thrift shop about 90% of my work wardrobe there and don't look like I am wearing a barrel with suspenders. 

Last Friday I got blackout drunk and had a full-on text conversation with a dear friend about how she shouldn’t go to church because the Catholic Church is a trashy, money-hungry paedophile ring*. Did not know this until well into Saturday. Spent most of the weekend apologising. Was so anxious about it that I was too…

None because I do my best and most regrettably unforced errors in person thank you very much.

Her constituents did that already.