I thought we were all switching to paper straws anyway. Whatever happened to that?

What is the word we’re supposed to use now instead of “retarded?”

I feel like there are quite a few stories about people in England being terrorized by unctuous seagulls and angry swans. 

So the takeaway here is that Devin Nunes can’t drink from a glass like an adult.

Holy shit, dude. I was reading the piece and thought, “Maybe he’s secretly the Watcher in another guise” and then YOU. Cool. 

That picture of Jesse and the Twits... I was looking at it, fake smiles and thumbs-up broing-out, and in my head I heard this vaguely Eastern European voice say, “We are here for the sex, yes?”

There is not a single candidate among the growing group of Dems that doesn’t have red in their ledger. Not one. Remember that. 

Am I mistaken, or didn’t CNN predict Hilary would smoke Donald Trump in the last election? 

What kind of punishment would Kemp face from this investigation? 

Papa John’s pizza is the absolute worst. I would rather go down on a syphillitic prostitute than eat that garbage. 

Um....

I would like to know why so many people slamming Ilhan for her comments actively support and defend AIPAC (*cough*Republicans*cough*), are so in love with a country they don’t live in that has national healthcare, and yet do a complete 180 when it comes to funding national healthcare for their own countrymen? 

Yeah? As a committed follower of Jesus Christ, you should learn about turning the other cheek, although I think they’re all better off without you. Christ died for your sins and you’re making a mockery of it instead of learning the virtues of charity, fortitude and justice. Idiot.

In the old days in my neighborhood, everyone was broke or poor, and the grocery stores around reflected that. We lived in an unfashionable neighborhood where every bodega sold loosies for a quarter and Bud Tall Boys were a dollar a can. One of the grocery stores, which catered to a largely Latin, Caribbean and East…

I can’t believe you’re dragging this band for recycling its older hits in a new way, something that has been going on with artists for decades. There’s plenty about Weezer to take shots at, but getting all sniffy when dozens if not hundreds of jazz vocalists have done this sort of thing countless times, as have pop…

Old Man Yells At Cloud! I think all premium cable/internet outlets that produce films (Amazon, Netflix, HBO, and LMN, the Lifetime Movie Network) need to be included. The shit I’ve paid to sit through in theaters over the past few years pales in comparison to quality Netflix movies like ‘Roma” and LMN films like…

I really wanted him to follow “Why so serious?” with “Oh, hey Mark!”

I have never visited Atlanta, but a number of the, uh, “models” (many of whom are “body positive brand ambassadors,” “party hosts” and “social media influencers”) that I follow on Instagram makes me think that their city should probably win. I want to go to there. 

PS: Rhode Island style pizza is a thing.

...”who has done more for African Americans (Criminal Justice Reform, Lowest Unemployment numbers in History, Tax Cuts,etc.) than almost any other Pres!”