I live one county to the west of Cleveland and about 30 minutes from dowtown. What is this strange odd feeling that I’m experiencing? It sort of feels like very confused optimism. Oh wait, it’s gone.

In this instance, a source is to a flack what a jersey ad is to a comprehensive partnership designed to positively impact the community.

I wonder how she is on the second date?

It’s a city ordinance actually. 

McQuade’s tag game is strong.

So powerbombing folding tables is some kind of plumage showing mating ritual?

I bet sex in Buffalo only happens on folding tables.

Let’s split the difference and finally do what should have been long ago, and book Weird Al for the halftime show.

They predicted the location of where it would make landfall to within TWO MILES... FIVE DAYS IN ADVANCE.

But sure. Meteorologists are completely useless.

He’s a kicker, not a punter.

Makes me sad that he’s become a punching bag. Dude played his ass off for a bunch of Bulls teams that had no shot without Rose, did a ton of awesome stuff in the community, and seemed like a genuinely nice human being.  Thibs really did grind all those dudes to dust though.  

I was ready to bust that out to pretend to be a real baseball knower. “The Cubs? Oh yeah they’re in their curriculum stretch right now.” 

Win the bloody fuck is that thung on his elbow? Is it a gigantic zit mid-pop? Did he rip his elbow open? No matter what it is, it is pure nightmare fuel.

Oh like your elbow mouth never got caught in an unflattering angle. 

Still photos of pitchers’ elbows while they’re pitching are always disgusting.

“Ronald? Which one was that? The young one? Which one?”

I believe by the unwritten rules of baseball Acuna’s family can now claim two goats and a hogshead of mead as restitution. That or burn down Urena’s village, hard to tell when the rules are unwritten.

I read this exact same advice in Goop, except it was paprika instead of salt, oat milk instead of beer, pouring it on your clit instead of drinking it, and instead of changing your life in the abstract it eliminated the discomfort of menopause.

I’m trying to think of a bike joke but I’m two tired.

You freakin’ Socialist Deadspin bloggers, always calling for a Nationals Health Care system.  Pathetic.