I'm a bit of an Amazon and this helpful gentleman was a petite Asian man so his shirt barely covered my breasts and my crotch was still exposed. He invited me into his room to use the phone to call the concierge and he ripped his bed sheet off of his bed so I could make a toga of shame.

Our honeymoon was wonderful until our last night. It began as a lovely evening, we ate delicious food, drank entirely too many cocktails and retired to our hotel room around 2 am for some sexy time. We both passed out and the next thing I remember is being in an elevator on the fourth floor with the doors open. Our…

Shit, at that point I think you might want to put your foot down. Either they let it go and stop bringing the subject up, or you stop spending time with them. On the phone, either they let you change the subject, or you hang up on them.

I’m very, very sorry about your story. On the other hand, “a 12 inch sub sandwich that once ingested into the human body transforms into a soy laden swat team who shows up at the colon party and violently asks everyone to GTFO” has got to be my new favourite analogy.

LOL at the debate teacher assuming you were a junkie.

See, I’ve had that stomach flu before, but I didn’t have the epilepsy with it. Also, I had some weed to keep the food down. I am so sorry you went through all that.

“A soy laden swat team who shows up at the colon party and violently asks everyone to GTFO.”

There are few things more unsettling than a restaurant telling a person with an allergy to “eat around them.” Good grief.

i'm sorry I fucking lost it at eeyore seeing you off in a drug infused state. I hope your next trip is much better.

One of the few benefits of being a freakishly tall gangly man with freakishly long gangly arms is that I can reach over the stall door and unlock it.

Nothing says “get well soon” like a donkey with horrible depression waving goodbye! Plus you have to imagine, I had thrown up so much I became dehydrated & they couldn't get an IV in right away so I was tripping balls on the nitrous. I even asked my mom if she saw him too lol.

Haha thank you. I’m gonna sound like a freak here but I’ve actually had them chronicly since 10. There's a lot of precautions I have to take (low sodium diet, no dark sodas, absolutely NO tea). I've been kinda lucky though I have a great doctor & pain management team. No hospital admissions in 4 years!! Plus I also…

OMG WAT? You can get kidney stones when you’re *12*?? I honestly had no fucking idea. I thought that was one of those “I’m officially old” maladies. You learn something new every day.

Food poisoning is the worst. I’m a useless sickly little creature (and a shit drinker) so I’ve done the public spew a number of times.

This story would not be the same without the Eeyore detail. You know things are shit when goddam Eeyore is having a better day than you.

OH GOD IT WAS YOU.

Please hydrate.

Epilogue: I'm finally going back to Disneyworld for my birthday/halloween. It'll be my first trip back since the...unpleasantness. Pray for me.

I think I’ve got the creme de la creme. When I was 12, my family took a trip to Disneyworld. The first day there we did the usual rides, food, etc. (Tower of Terror is the shit!!!!). While waiting in line for The Great Movie Ride I started getting a little groin pain. At first I thought I just really needed to pee.…

I threw up in a potted palm in the lobby of the St. Francis Hotel in San Francisco, at my Senior Ball, right in front of the principal. Apparently I am allergic to scallops. I arrived, had my photo taken, sipped a 7 Up, turned green, and spent the rest of my evening in the lady’s room, where the speech and debate…