When did health care become a "thing"? As far as I'm concerned, it IS a right.

@gingergal7: You keep your government paws offa my Medicare!

@ritualtheory: One time I got all excited about the idea of liquid eyeliner, and bought a bottle of the waterproof stuff. I ran home, tried to put it on and ended up getting it stuck all over my lashes. As I attempted to get the crap out/off of my eyes, I ended up pulling out about 40% of my lashes on both sides…

Dear AC/DC,

She uses her kid's name as her STAGE NAME? Classy. This idiot looks like an obvious choice of bedmate for that idiot.

@hook and line: My husband saw that and made me PROMISE to bury him that way. And I totally did!

@girl_talk: The respectable gentleman used the phrase "take a dump", so I think it's still appropriate. I prefer the term "sharting."

@Ofmyself: Oh man, a fart in the bath is like five times the funny, because of the ensuing bubbles and noise amplification. Fun times!

Ooh ooh is it TMI time yet? This morning I got up to pee and did a little pre-getting-out-of-bed stretch. And then accidentally let out one of the loudest farts I've ever heard come from my body. Which woke up my husband. Who then started laughing at me.

@SlayBelle: What about L.A.?! We have Legoland!

"Gangway for footcycle!!"

@jengrrrl: That made me laugh so hard. Liz Lemon is not a good Sims mommy.

@mahmahmahpokerface: "What do you want, popcorn?!"

@Thus Spake KATE!: I dunno if you have Time Warner, but they're offering HBO, Showtime or (bleh) Cinemax for $7.99/year each. That's waywayway discounted from their typical $15 or $10 a MONTH. So now's a good time to get it. If you have Time Warner.

You know, as much as people prefer not to think about eldersex, I sincerely hope it's happening. The thought of making it to 90 and not being able to (or wanting to!) bone makes me sad. Old people deserve sex to - especially Betty White!

These texts really just made me laugh hysterically. I've been texting my husband excerpts all day.

I know we've addressed #8 already, but Christ on a cracker those are some ugly shoes. I have visions of draft horses when I see them on actual people.

@lovecake: I think he did porn back before Chelsea's show, and now it's being re-released as "Chuy Then and Lately". Chelsea addressed it on her show last night, basically confirming that it's real, and said she supports him.

That looks more like something Keith Partridge might show up to the prom in, but I get the idea.

@rd2uk: Jessica Simpson strikes again!