Not to be a Debbie Fucking Downer, but my sister decided on a courthouse wedding, mainly because our father passed before she got married and that was the main reason she wanted to have a wedding.

Exactly. How many times has a man said something about how because he’s a man he’s qualified for something. DAILY probably. Stop playing the dick card, dudes.

The only thing I dislike more than looking at Ted Cruz is looking at Ted Cruz eating.

It’s really frustrating that the basic act of voting counts towards being woke. Or is in any way special. Congratulations! You successfully completed the minimally required level of participation in a democracy.

I’d say it’s probably 60% of dudes I’ve had the “pleasure” of getting close enough to their balls could use some serious hygiene tips.

No one uses miscegenation anymore because *obviously* racism is over.

The real world doesn’t give out participation trophies just for trying something. If you’re going to get out there and do interviews and call yourself an ally in such an incredibly public way, you need to do more than try. You need to make an effort to get it right, and be willing to listen and learn. Now, I’m not…

All I want is a garbage disposal and a dish washer.

This is how I walk when I’m walking home drunk at night and I’m trying to hide the fact that I’m drunk.

My music taste is pretty varied, and I honestly haven’t listened to the last few Beyonce albums. She’s fine! Her music is good! But I just don’t really get into it that much. To be honest I don’t know how I know that, but I do, so you’re welcome!

My sadness stems more from the lack of gingerness, but yeah maybe it’s the glasses? Maybe? Please?

Requests for labiaplasty isn’t the same as actual surgeries, my friend.

Someone that is “Becky with the good hair” had an alleged (as in alleged in a song by Beyonce) affair with Jay-Z and there’s a song on the album and someone tweeted something that alluded to her good hair and no drama status and then here we are.

I left my ring in a bathroom at the airport and didn’t realize it until the plane was almost done boarding. SO SAD. Almost cried. I managed to run back and naturally it was gone, but my plane wasn’t so there’s a small upside.

Emma stone has been my hair muse for like a decade but this makes me :-(

I was at a customer’s business, and was sitting at a desk next to the manager’s office. He was in with another manager, and the business owner, and they were discussing a sexual harassment claim a former employee leveled. He was upset that “it’s sexual harassment is she says it is” but really it should be a “mutual…

Look at that sad, old man. Doesn’t he deserve to live out his days in peace?

Best of luck! I don’t think I could even pretend to be neutral here.

hahaha yup but I try not to begrudge others’ religion and spirituality, but this was too good to pass up.

If it were God’s will she should’ve gotten at least $20,000