CNN really was better before the Time-Warner merger. It went to shit after that.

high on life

It’s right here

I already know where I'm going after I die.

As a former Target employee, I can confirm this.

“I can do for you what I did for Ryan Howard and Ryan Zimmerman!” is the worst drug dealer pitch of all time.

♫ HGH you work so gooooood ♫

The two that leave me with the biggest questions are FLASH LIGHT AEROSOL CAN in the ass and GASOLINE in the ear. I have never heard of a flashlight aerosol can. I’m pretty sure a guy stuck an aerosol can up his ass and then tried to remove it with a flash light which also then got stuck. We’ll call him WD 40 Maglite.

I already posted, but.....

marshmallows are especially dangerous (they can either melt and drip into your throat, resulting in a horrible death or you can aspirate them and then die a horrible death).

I remember commenting on last years story about how terrified I was my 1.5-year old boy would wind up with something dangerous in some orifice. I’m pleased to report that nothing of the sort happened this year, however he did get his pee pee stuck in a Lego. I can't wait to tell that story to every one of his future…

Short fingers?

Maybe your hands are too big? Not big enough?

Not one visit to the emergency room with a Viagra-induced erect penis stuck in someone’s throat for an entire year?

Man.

Damn. I’d forgotten this even existed! Talk about blast from the past.

That’s not really an improvement.

Demand that they pay for the repair at a dealer and if they didn’t, I’d sue them. Slam dunk.

finally someone understands .....