Ceiling fans are for the porch.

I live in Georgia. Get the fuck away from me with your “ceiling fans”.

This really should have been the Patriots’ punishment.

He was just checking to see what Mason had down under.

I don’t know what’s the bigger joke, the Raiders with a gold jersey or the Raiders in the same picture as the Super Bowl logo.

Sorry. If Anna Wintour shows up at my house, I’m doing the Condé Nasté with her ASAP.

Ya, you’re wrong about Tom Brady. If a grown ass man wearing Ugg boots doesn’t make him unfuckable, an Apple watch isn’t really gonna make a difference

Penn State is the Brown of the Public Ivy League.

HE'S pissed off? Then these guys should be furious.

Hey man, can I just say how much I identify with you right now? I'm a person with a temper. I know this about myself, and I work on it, but sometimes I slip up. I am terrified of having kids. But the only thing that terrifies me more is having kids, fucking up, and not being able to talk about it to anyone because…

How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Also, of note, "the Pill" was first approved in 1960. While men have been hand-wringing about female sexuality for pretty much the entirety of human existence, the early 60's were a Very Special Time in the history of the policing of women's bodies.

Funny how so many teams are willing to give this guy a shot, considering how much he is hated by the Publix.

Because Capel wasn't trying to be overtly racist, FOX 8 has only asked her for three-fifths of an apology.

I say "to be fair" all the time, especially when discussing the merits of Taco Bell's dollar menu.

Is it sad to say Riff Raff wore it better?

If they could figure out how to make Juneteenth a day to get blotto they'd co-opt that too.

It's ok, they spell it with an A, not an ER.

I saw Insane Masturbatory Rampage open for Slayer in '92.

My mother on premarital sex said "You wouldn't buy a car with out test driving a few first!!" Our mothers are really into making sure we have good transportation.