Fewer.

Disclaimer: I’m British and have only heard about the Duggars via Jezebel.

You win the internet for today.

A few weeks ago my Dad was sharing an anecdote and was a little put out that I didn’t react the way he thought I would. He had forgotten that I told him that story a couple of years earlier, and he has simply claimed it as his own ever since. He does that a lot.

Wasn’t this a Friends plot, but with lasagne many years ago?

“I’m not picky” -I feel like an arse asking for a “fat free, sugar free vanilla latte”. How do people even come up with these insane drinks?

I have to remind my family that when they say I look well I hear “You have put weight on”. They never intend it that way, but that is how I interpret it. Instead, they now say “You seem happy” or “You look pretty”, which is a lot easier for me to hear.

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe” - Albert Einstein.

Law and Order: SVU

I carry habanero Tabasco in my handbag in case of bland food emergencies, I have ghost pepper extract on my kitchen window sill to go in all stews and soups, and I can’t count the number of different chili sauces from all over the world I have in the cupboards. Holy shit, I’m going to live forever.

I want Project Runway back on British TV. Actually, I need it back, it has been far too long.

I have a condition known as Barrett’s Oesophagus, if I eat quickly the bit between my mouth and stomach clamps shut. Would the server rather I attempt to wolf down my food at the rate my family does and barf on the table, or take my time and enjoy my food? Chill, waiting 5 minutes won’t destroy the fabric of the…

I’m not expecting flowers, just a “sorry, was (at the gym/in a meeting/driving) and couldn’t get at my phone”. I’m not asking anyone to drop their lives for me, just an acknowledgement that I had been kept waiting. If the text I sent said “Picking up some stuff for dinner, anything you fancy?” after an hour they would…

If a guy ever asked me if I had “Daddy Issues” because he took an hour to text me back I would happily respond that my Dad always texts back quickly or apologises for the delay. That is because he is a good person who taught me that I deserve to be treated with respect.

I’m honestly not sure if this was a neg or just a very clumsy attempt to be kind, but I’ll be grey anyway, so here goes...

Never actually been engaged, but when we discussed it I said that he could get me a prop ring to propose with, but I had to choose and purchase the “real” ring. I reasoned that I was picky and had more money in savings. The real reason is that when I get a gorgeous ring, I don’t want to feel obligated to give it back…

If the world is ready for a black Bond, I am sure we can manage a ginger one. I prefer the Idris Elba option, but Damian Lewis would work for me as well.

Boundaries - 4 is oral, 6 is full intercourse. Out for duck? Didn’t even get a kiss good night...

Everyone I know says that codeine causes drowsiness, I can’t take it after 3pm because it makes me bouncy.

Ginger Atheist, always carry an umbrella, snacks and sunscreen!